RIB

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Ten

The next thing he knew, Zaphod Beeblebrox found himself standing in the street alone with a fat, ugly, pissed off Vogon, and depressed robot with a slight superiority complex. Without saying a word, Marvin seemed to be gloating over the Betelgeuseian's predicament. The chromium skinned android gave a brief glance at his two headed companion, and then turned to face the Vogon.

“I told him it was a dumb idea.” Marvin moaned. “But does anybody ever listen to me.? I have a brain the size of a planet, yet nobody ever thinks my opinions are worth anything. Everybody thinks they are so much smarter than I am, and they never listen to me.”

“You'd make a great bureaucrat.” Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz told Marvin.

“Hey, Jeltzie!” Zaphod said, giving the Vogon a friendly punch to the shoulder. “Maybe we can cut a deal here. You tell me where those bugs are going to land, and I'll give you free transport off this rock.”

“You know, he does have a rather nice spaceship.” Marvin added. “We stole it.”

The Vogon's facial expression suddenly showed a slight bit of interest.
“I've heard about that through the grapevine, Mr. Ex-President of the Galaxy.” Jeltz gargled. “So you really did walk off with the Heart of Gold, didn't you?”

“We'll I was actually just sorta test piloting her you know.” Zaphod said. “I was going to return the ship back to the spaceyards, but the cops were chasing me.”

“Very well.” Jeltz answered, returning Zaphod's jab by punching Bebblebrox in the arm. “I know you're going to let the MIB know whatever I tell you, you double crossing worm. So in exchange for the reward on returning the Heart of Gold, I'll give you the information you want.”

“I can't do that.” Zaphod complained. “I'm not going to hand over my ship to your stinking Mafia.”

“Then I suppose I'll have to leave the planet on my own before the bugs land and eat this stinking city.” Jeltz sighed.

“The ship is parked somewhere in the center of the city in camouflage mode.” Marvin told the Vogon.

“Well, it seems your robot has some good sense.” Jeltz laughed, pulling out an intergalactic phone from his pocket, and quickly entering a text message. “I'll give this android the information you need.” Jeltz typed something on the keypad on Marvin's chest. “There!, now if you will excuse me, I have t go.”

A large UFO appeared in the distance and quickly approached. It hovered over the trio and suddenly beamed the Vogon aboard. The brick shaped craft then quickly rose and flew off.

“You traitor!” Zaphod scowled at Marvin. “How dare you!”

“He'll never find the ship.” Marvin said. “He doesn't know what the camouflage code is.”

“Yeah, I didn't think of that!” Zaphod laughed. “So where are those bugs going to land. I want to be a zillion miles in the opposite direction!”

“I've already passed that information on.” Marvin said. “Let's get back to the ship. It should be fully powered back up by now.”

“Good thinking, Marvin!” Zaphod said. “Now we can make our way back to Wriggly's Pleasure Planet.”

Kay, Jay, and Astro were still in Cee's office when Astro heard the buzzing in his head. Marvin's high speed data transmission had been beamed directly into Astro's electronic brain's zetawave frequencies and the data was DMA'ed into his memory cells. It was obvious from the look on his face that he had been ESP'ed.

“I just got the dope from Marvin” A told his fellow MIB agents.

“You know where the bugs are going to land?” Kay asked.

“Sorta.” A said. “The Vogons planted a homing beacon in the city. Once it was activated, it started sending out a signal to the Traul world where the Goa'uld smugglers had a transwarp freighter waiting to transport a squadron of bugs to this planet. The ship will home in on that beacon and land as close to it as possible.”

“So where is that beacon, and when will the ship get here?” Jay questioned.

“Unless we can find that beacon transmitter and disable it, the bug ship could land within hours.” A told them. “The Vogon's hid it somewhere in, or near Grant's tomb.”

“You guys better high tail it uptown and start searching for the beacon transmitter.” C ordered.

“We don't have any idea what it looks like, do we?” K said, looking at A.

“Marvin wasn't sure about that.” A said. “But he told me that those beacons usually operate on a frequency of 127.256 GHz with a 10.7 MHz modulation.”

“Wait, don't tell me.” J said. “You can probably hear that.”

“Sorta kinda.” A laughed. “Look, why don't you guys take your car uptown and meet me. I'll run ahead and start looking right away.”

“What are you going to do, fly?” J asked.

“Actually, I am.” A said as he blasted through the ceiling, and flew uptown toward the upper West side.


Somewhere just beyond the orbit of the moon, a large pyramid shaped starship came out of hyperspace. It entered a polar orbit around the earth and discharged a small landing craft. The daughter ship dropped into a lower orbit and extended a search antenna, and started to listen for the homing beacon that would guide it to its destination on the planet's surface. The craft quickly locked onto the signal it was programmed to search for, and entered a flight path for landing.

Astro flew over Riverside drive, approaching the memorial to 18th president of the United States. To his left he could see the Henry Hudson Pkwy and the Hudson River. The highway was jammed with late afternoon traffic. Up ahead, and to his right he could see the domed building that contained the Civil War General's remains. Suddenly, Astro was tossed about in the sky by the shock wave of a sonic boom. A saucer shaped aircraft cut across his flight path and made a rather sloppy landing in the middle of Sakura Park, just across from the Manhattan School of Music.

“Damn!” Astro radioed back to Kay and Jay. “A spaceship just crash landed across the street from Grant's Tomb. I'm going in to investigate!”

“We're only minutes away!” Kay radioed back. The highly modified black Ford was screeching uptown on the Henry Hudson Parkway. Kay took the exit just before Grant's Tomb, plowed across the tennis courts, and into Riverside drive. The three of them arrived just in time to see three bugs running out of the ship onto 122 Street heading East. Astro slammed the ship's hatchway closed and used his arm cannon to weld the large door shut, trapping the remaining bugs inside. He picked the Goa'uld landing craft up and blasted upward into space carrying the ship away from the Earth.

Meanwhile Kay and Jay broke into a run following the three escaping bugs across town. So far they hadn't attacked anything, but they were aware that the MIB were after them. Kay fired a few shots from his portable BFG, barely missing the fleeing bugs, but managing to leave scorch marks on a few buildings of the music school in the process. The bugs reached Broadway where they jumped over an embankment and entered the IRT subway tunnel heading downtown.

Up in Earth orbit, Astro gave the landing craft a good shove, sending it on a spiral path toward the sun. The mother ship spotted him and starting firing laser blasts at him. Astro tuned around and charged up his arm cannons. He took careful aim at the mother ship and hit a vital area. The ship's engines began to overheat and vent plasma. Suddenly, its reactor went critical, and the mother ship exploded high over the Earth's South pole. The blast lit up the night sky over Antarctica and South America.

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Eleven

Reno was a little annoyed at Astro for having deserted him for the past few days. During the day he'd been occupied with the seminars, but during his down time he really missed Astro's company. Today, had been a bit different. A cute Afro-American engineer named Rene who'd been attending the seminars had arrived late and instead of sitting up front found a seat next to Reno. The two of them had hit it off right away, discovering they had quite a lot in common, starting with being orphans who'd grown up with unconventional foster parents. She'd been raised by an Asian couple in New York's Chinatown, Reno felt strange telling her that he'd been raised by circus robots.

After the day's sessions had ended, the two of them had decided to check out a new nightclub up in Harlem. Year's ago, during the roaring twenties, Harlem had been N.Y. City's hot night spot. Toward the latter part of the twentieth century, that part of upper Manhattan had been a blight on the city with racial tension, crime, and general urban decay. Now in the twenty first century, Harlem had recovered with big money from urban reconstruction projects, the new Second Avenue subway, and young professionals moving in. The night club Reno and Rene had been given passes to was on the upper west side near City College on 137th street.


Reno meet Rene in the hotel lobby and they entered the subway, taking the IRT Seventh Avenue local uptown. The #1 train was crowded enough that they had to stand, hanging onto the metal hand holds. The train slowly made its way up to 96th Avenue, which was the last express station on the line. From here the #1 continued the rest of the way along Broadway till the end of the line at Van Cortland Park in the Bronx.

Ronald Smith had been a motorman for the NYCTA for over twenty years. He'd handled trains on every division, mostly the former BMT. While he had seniority, and could pretty much pick his own hours and assignment, with two daughters in college he was happy to take whatever overtime he could get. Today he was working the Broadway local on the IRT division, he'd be back on the N train in two days, once again coaxing his charges over the Manhattan Bridge.

Smith was familiar enough with the #1 train route. The local started at South Ferry at the Southern tip of the island, snaking its way through the financial district under the World Trade Center. It skirted the western edge of Soho and Greenwich Village, along the theater district, and then cut the south west corner of Central Park at 59th Street, heading along Broadway. Up around 120th street the geology of Manhattan begins to show itself. This is the Manhattan valley area where the ground drops down from the average street level. The #1 train climbs out of the tunnel at 122nd Street onto a high El structure as the street drops below it, the tracks staying at a nearly constant grade. The train makes one stop on the El at 125th Avenue before reaching the end of the valley and once again descends below the streets. Now the reverse effect comes into play, with an uplifting of the land at Washington Heights. Here at 191st street the #1 is at the deepest level below the streets in the entire subway system at 180 below street level. The station still has full time elevator operators.

Smith peered out the window of the motorman's cab. The three orange 'holding' lights were illuminated, a signal from master control back at Jay Street that he needed to wait in the station for a connection with an express train on the adjacent track. Five cars back of Smith's position, Reno and Reno found seats as a good chunk of the crowd exited the train to transfer for the express train yet to enter the station. About 40 seconds later, a #2 train bound for 141St in the Bronx entered the station. It discharged its passengers, some of whom boarded the waiting local. Smith saw the holding lights go out and his conductor closed the doors on the train. The #1 jerked to a start and continued uptown.


“Yuck!” Jay moaned trying to free his foot from a gooey pile of a steaming plastic like substance. “I stepped in bug excrement!”
Kay panned his flashlight left and right along the subway tunnel. The Two MIB agents had used a 'Batman' like rope gun to lower themselves from the 122st overpass to the subway tracks below to enter the tunnel where the three Bug Blatter creatures had gone to escape from them. The tracks were dimly illuminated by old style 17 watt incandescent lamps every 40 feet or so, just enough light for a workman to keep from tripping and breaking his neck, but not bright enough to see a giant man eating cockroach a few feet in front of you.

“Those mother's move faster than we thought.” Kay yelled over to his partner.

“They're huge too!” Jay yelled back. “I think they could eat a bus whole if they wanted to.”

“Or a subway train.” Kay replied. “We're going to need help with this one.”


The #1 train left the 103 Street station and made a slight veer to the left to follow the curve of the tracks. Up ahead was the Cathedral Pkwy station. Ron Smith slowed the train and artfully stopped exactly on the mark to the delight of the commuters who had chosen the exact spots to stand when the doors of the train opened. The jolt of the brakes pushed Reno and Rene closer together, which they didn't mind a bit.


Astro landed near Grant's tomb and looked around. He saw the MIB black Ford parked at a weird angle in the grass with the motor still running and the doors open. Using his infrared vision he could make out the foot tracks of Jay and Kay along 122nd Street ending at Broadway. Astro turned his hearing up all the way and could hear his fellow agents underground about a half a mile north of his current position. Leaping skyward he arched over the subway tracks and entered the tunnel. Astro turned on his eye searchlights and roared southbound over the tracks. In the distance he saw Kay and Jay just about to enter the 116 St station. There was something dark ahead of them.


Right after Smith pulled out of the 110th Street station, the smell hit him. The tunnel ahead was dark, as if a large black mass had filled it from wall to wall. Suddenly huge glowing eyes and glistening white teeth were reflected in the light from his train's headlamps. Smith blinked twice but the sight of the huge open mouth about to swallow his train wouldn't go away. He took his foot off the dead-man switch and ran out of the cab, though the empty first car and into the next, seconds before the front of the train was devoured by a giant roach from outer space.

The train slammed to a halt as the emergency brakes came on. The main lights went out, and the battery backed up emergency lights came on as the third rail shorted out. Rene huddled closer to Reno in fear as a loud moaning and crunching sound echoed through the tunnel, the result of roach teeth bitting into the steel of the first car. Reno fumbled through his pockets, and found the comm link transmitter he'd tuned to Astro's internal radio's private frequency.

“Astro!” he yelled into the transmitter.

(I was thinking of Episode #114 "Metro Monster" writing this!)

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Twelve

“Oh my GOD! Those things are UGLY!” Jay yelled. Not 100 yards ahead of the two MIB agents were three bugblatter beasts. They resembled Terran cockroaches, but they were much larger, and had huge shark like mouths full of teeth. One of the monsters had just taken a bite out of an approaching subway train, the other two suddenly turned to face the MIB.

Kay raised his BFG and aimed it at one of the two monsters. At this range he couldn't possibly miss. He set the weapon on a narrow beam to avoid damaging the subway tunnel and fired, hitting one of the beasts in what he assumed was its chest. The monster roared with anger and charged toward the two men. Although it must have felt pain from the direct hit, it obviously wasn't injured very badly.

“Run for it!” Kay yelled as he ran in retreat.

Jay took off just a split second after his partner and quickly caught up with him. He suddenly tripped on one of the track cross ties and fell, slamming into Kay knocking him down. The two men tried to get up, but the bug was already upon them.

Kay looked up and and thought he saw his life flash by him as the monster was about to devour both of them. Suddenly, there was a huge flash of light and the bugblatter beast exploded into a large cloud of green slime. The two agents now found themselves sitting on the tunnel floor up to their necks in bug guts. A few yards away, someone was laughing hysterically.

Agent A stood there with a sick grin on his face. His left arm was still configured in the atomic cannon mode, and was slowly venting residual plasma.

“Nice shooting Tex!” Jay said.

Inside of his head, Astro heard Reno's voice. Just a few hundred yards away he could hear the lead bug still chomping on the subway train.
“I'll be right back!” Astro yelled as he flew past his fellow MIB's toward the subway train.

“I'll be right there!” Astro radioed back to Reno.

Astro roared past the second beast and grabbed the first one that was eating the train, and then dragged it back toward the mouth of the tunnel. Kay and Jay backed up against the tunnel walls to keep from getting squished by the bug. The second monster ran past the two agents and reached the tunnel mouth before Astro did. Astro then carried the beast up to 10,000 feet and released it over the Long Island Sound. The bug smashed into the water at terminal velocity just as a particle beam from Astro's arm cannon vaporized it. The remaining bugblatter monster ran uptown along the Henry Hudson Parkway, heading for the Bronx.

After destroying the second monster Astro reentered the subway tunnel. He flew back to the where the train was parked on the tracks and entered through what was left of the second car. Fortunately, the passengers were able to escape back to the rear of the train before being eaten by the bug. The train was dark as the bugs had shorted out the third rail and killed power to the track. The battery operated emergency lights were dimly glowing. Astro switched on his eye searchlights at a low setting and walked toward the back of the train. He finally reached the middle car where Reno was sitting, with Rene wrapped around him.

“Hi” Astro waved. “It's OK, I took care of the monsters.”

“Who are you?” Rene asked, as she released Reno from her grip.

“That's Astro, he's a good friend of mine.” Reno said. “He also happens to be a robot.”

Astro pulled Reno off of his seat and out of Rene's earshot.
“I'm going to have to neuralyze everyone in the train so they don't remember what just happened.” Astro told Reno. “Standard MIB policy.”

“Even me?” Reno asked.

“Here, put these on” Astro told Reno, handing him a pair of dark sunglasses.
Astro removed the neuralyzer from his pocket and held it up above his head. He turned the device's power setting up a notch and clicked the switch on the side of it. A pulse of blue light filled the train for an instant and then went out. Astro took the glasses back from Reno and pocketed them while shutting down his eye lights.

“I'm going to leave you now.” Astro said out loud to the passengers. “The NYCTA police will be here shortly to get everybody out of the tunnel.”

Astro walked through the front four cars of the train, flicking the neuralyzer once in each car. He reentered the tunnel and walked back to where Kay and Jay were standing.

“Everyone all right in the train?” Kay asked.

“Yes, no causalities.” A said.

“You missed one of the bugs.” Jay told him. “It ran past you like a bat out of hell and is now probably loose somewhere in the city.”

“I guess we'll have to find it and eliminate it.” Astro said.

“No kidding.” Kay replied. “Since that arm cannon of yours seems to be the only weapon we have that works against those things, it looks like you're elected.”

“Kinda figured that.” Astro said.

“Well let's get back to the car and figure out our next move.” Kay said.

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Thirteen

K, J, and A walked up the length of the subway tunnel toward the opening at 122nd Street. Astro lifted his two co-agents up to street level, landing with them a few feet from where the black Ford was awkwardly parked. K sat in the front seat with the door open and tuned the two way radio to the MIB HQ channel and reported in.

“Agent Kay, here. Two bugs have been dispatched, but one got away. A thinks it was heading uptown toward the Bronx.”

“Good to hear from you.” C answered. “We've just got a report of a disturbance in Van Cortland Park that sounds like your bug has been spotted there. If you hurry, you might catch it. A bit earlier, there was a similar police report from up in Fort Tryon Park near the Cloisters.”

“Let's get going.” Kay said.

“You two get in the car.” Astro told them. “I'll push.”

The two MIB agents got in the car and closed the doors. “What do you mean you'll push?” Jay asked as the car was suddenly lifted into the air. Astro held the Ford over his head while flying toward the Bronx. Kay hummed something to himself, while Jay made use of the wrapper from an old 'Happy Meal' he found in the back seat as a barf bag.

“Guess you get air sick real easy, don't you” Kay said.

“Shut up.” his partner snapped back, just before upchucking again.

Astro gently set the Ford down in the golf course, right in the middle of the largest fairway. A crowd of people were gathered in the middle of the green as the three MIB agents walked up to them.

“We're from the government pest control department.” Kay blurted out. “Please stand back and give us room to examine this thing.”

The crowd stepped back at the sight of the three men dressed totally in black on a hot sunny day. Lying in the middle of the 7th green was a huge brown and black giant cockroach. The bugblatter beast lay on its back with its six legs up in the air, and its huge mouth of shark like teeth slightly open. A moist bit of steamy breath formed a cloud hanging over its open mouth. The giant insect like creature was still alive, but just barely.

“What killed it?” Astro asked. “I never touched that one.”

Kay walked around the beast, carefully inspecting it. He extracted a pair of thick rubber gloves from his jacket pocket and put them on. Bending down, he opened one of the insect's bodily orifices and stuffed his left arm into it, like a Proctologist, or a Gynecologist might and examined the monster's insides. After probing around with his hand, he extracted a mass of gooey material.

“What are you doing, Kay?” Jay asked. “Goosing the thing, and pulling out dingle berries?”

“You need to learn your bug anatomy, partner.” Kay said. “You're thinking of the wrong orifice. This bug is a female, and she was quite pregnant.”

“What do you mean was?” Astro asked.

“I mean, she just laid a crap-load of eggs someplace before she came here to die.” Kay answered. “Our problems are about to multiply, quite literally!”

“How long do these things take to hatch?” Jay babbled.

“This species is quite amazing in that department.” Jay said. “The eggs mature almost completely in the mothers body, she lays them only hours before they are ready to emerge from their cocoons.” He explained, holding up the fibrous mass he had extracted from the now dead monster. “This one got left behind.”

Jay dropped the sack like egg on the ground, and shot it with a blast from his BFG. The egg turned black from the weapon's heat and it burned with a disgusting smell. The stillborn remains of a midget bugblatter beast crawled out of the remains of the egg, and Jay shot it with his ray pistol. Astro gave it a blast from his right arm cannon for good measure.

“OK, everyone, I need your attention!” Kay yelled out to the crowd that had backed up a few feet. “I need to treat everyone for radiation poisoning. The MIB agents put on their dark sunglasses and pulled out their neuralyzers. “Just look at the light from these devices and you'll be protected from whatever nasty radiation these bugs may have produced.” Kay told the crowd.

He and Jay neuralyzed the crowd as Astro lifted the remains of the now dead giant bug up and flew it to the west, dumping in somewhere in New Jersey where it would never be noticed.

Author's note: As an ex-New Yorker, I never miss an opportunity to put N.J. down!

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Fourteen

K scratched his head in thought. “There was a police report of a bug sighting near the Cloisters in Fort Tryon Park just before it was spotted up in Van Cortland Park, where we found its remains.” He said. “I'd bet it laid its eggs there.”

“You might be right about that” J said. “maybe we should get back there asap.”

“You want to drive, or should I fly us there?” Astro asked.

“We're out of barf bags, so I think we'd better drive.” K said.

“Shut up!” J answered back.

“Very well, you can meet me there.” Astro said. “I'll start looking around and report back by radio.”

“Good idea.” J replied, relieved that he would be traveling at ground level.
The black Ford took off southbound on the Henry Hudson Parkway, while Astro took to the sky. He landed just south of the Metropolitan Museum of Art annex, and began to look around. The park was located in a rather hilly part of upper Manhattan Island, and had lots of walkways winding through rocky outcroppings and lots of trees. Astro noticed a few cave like openings here and there, perfect places for a giant roach to crawl into and lay her eggs. He spotted a policeman near the museum and walked over to him, and quickly flashed his MIB ID in the cop's face.
“Government top secret” he quickly said. “Have you seen anything unusual in the past hour?”

“Would a giant cockroach be considered unusual enough?” the patrolman replied. “It came out of the woods over there, and ran right by the museum grounds before disappearing. I think it was heading for the Bronx.”

“Thanks.” Astro said. “Er, I'm going to have to immunize you from roach virus.” Astro quickly produced his neuralyzer and flashed the cop in the face with it. He turned and started toward the wooded area, in the direction where the policeman had pointed.


The passengers on the #1 train were escorted out of the tunnel by the Transit Police. Once on Broadway they were boarded onto uptown buses to complete their journeys. None of them except for Reno remembered a thing about the giant roach thanks to Astro's neuralyzer.

“So were were we going again?” Rene asked. She looked up at the ads posted in the bus, and noticed one by the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a special exhibit up at the Cloisters. The museum had special late hours all week for the attraction.

“Hey, let's go there!” she said pointing to the poster, completely forgetting the nightclub they had planned on going to. Reno figured that a quiet visit to the museum, and maybe a stroll though Fort Tryon Park afterwards, might be a bit more romantic than a loud nightclub, so he quickly agreed to the change of plans. “Sure, I think this bus goes right by the park” he replied.


K drove like a maniac, making the run from the Bronx to upper Manhattan in under ten minutes. He plowed into the park service entrance parked the car just south of the museum. “Hey A, where are you?” K transmitted. “I'm In the wooded area just south of the museum. Look for a large stand of oak trees, next to a smaller stand of maples.” Astro said.

The two MIB agents ran up the hill leading toward the area A had described. They got there just as Astro was walking out of a low cave in the side of the hill.

“There are lot's of these little openings in the outcroppings” Astro explained. “I figure a bug would look for a cave to lay her eggs.”

“Sounds about right to me.” K agreed. “Let's split up. We can inspect these hills more quickly if we do that.”

They quickly divided the territory up between them, and started the search. Judging by the size of the park, it might take them most of the evening.


Reno and Rene got off the Broadway bus at Riverside drive and walked to the museum entrance. There was a small line of patrons waiting to get in A few members of the crowd were muttering something about a giant bug that had been spotted running from the park, and suggested that the reason for the museum having been closed for an hour had something to do with that. A policeman doing crowd control tried to squash the bug rumor, he explained there had been a brief power outage, which was why the subway had been out of order.

While they were waiting in line, Reno grabbed four hot dogs from a pushcart vendor and offered two of them and a Coke to his date. Rene accepted the fast food, and the two of them finished their makeshift dinner just as they finally reached the head of the line. Reno wiped some excess mustard from Rene's face, and then she took the napkin from him and returned the favor.


The three MIB agents had spend an hour searching through the caves, cracks and openings in the rocky outcroppings, but hadn't found a sign of the roach's nest. “I'm going to go up to get an aerial view in the infrared” A radioed to his companions. “Maybe I can spot her tracks.”

“I wish you'd thought of that earlier.” K said. “If my bugblatter beast biology is correct, we have about an hour left before those bastards hatch!”


Rene and Reno had made their way through the primary exhibit of the museum, and found themselves in a deserted part of the building. Reno put his arm around his date's waist and pulled her close, and she took his hand. They smiled at each other as they reached a rear exit to the building. “Want to take a walk?” Reno asked.

“Love to” Rene answered, and they started up the pathway towards the wooded area of the park. The walkway was lined with sodium vapor lights casting a yellow glow, which created strange shadows on the ground. A few owls hooted in the trees, and squirrels scampered away to hid from the night predator birds. They took the west fork in the walkway which slowly climbed up hill.


Astro flew upwards and started scanning the ground. J and K were on the east and south side of the rocky outcroppings, he flew toward the western edge. Carefully adjusting his vision into the infrared part of the spectrum he could make out the tracks the giant roach made on her exiting the park to head toward the Bronx. Looking to see where they came from, he traced them back to a small cavern on the south west side of the hill. Two people were walking arm in arm on the walkway towards that exact spot.


There was a park bench facing the Hudson River on the edge of the park. Reno and Rene sat on the bench and gazed into each other's eyes. They moved closer in an embrace and their lips met in a passionate kiss. Suddenly, there was an explosive noise from behind them as thousands of newly hatched giant cockroach like monsters ran out of a cavern about three hundred yards behind them.

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Fitteen

Reno and Rene were startled by the loud CRACK! coming from behind them. They forgot about their lustful thoughts at the sight of a dark cloud pouring out from the trees that was heading right for them. It took a few seconds before their eyes could adjust to the eerie shadows caused by the monochromatic light of the low pressure sodium street lamps, then they could see what that dark cloud really was.

“OMG!” Rene yelled. “Giant Cockroaches! Thousands of them.”

“Oh no, not again!” Reno cried, grabbing Rene's hand and pulling her off the bench. “Run for it!”

They took off running toward the imagined safety of the Museum complex, though Reno had little idea that the building would offer them safety from the invading horde of monsters for long. Halfway between where they started out ,and the museum, he looked over his shoulder to realize they weren't going to make it in time. The bugs were too fast.

Astro saw the newly hatched bugs blast out of the cavern, heading north. “I found them, just a bit late!” Agent A radioed to agents K and J. “They're heading for the Museum”

“Roger that!” K replied. “We're after them!”

From his vantage point a few hundred feet in the air Astro saw the two people that had been on the park bench were running for their lives to get away from the bugs, and that they were being overtaken by the hungry mob. He recognized them as Reno as his date. Astro swooped down and grabbed Reno with one arm and Rene with the other.

One moment they were running for their lives, the next moment they were several hundred feet in the air with Astro between them.
“You got here just in time! Thanks!” Reno said turning his head toward his friend. Rene who had suddenly gone from running away from hungry giant cockroaches to being held in midair by a flying robot, had had all the excitement she could handle, and fainted.

Astro lit down in front of the downtown hotel that he and Reno had been staying at.
“You'll be safe here,” he said. “I've got to get back and take care of those bugs!”

Reno waved to his friend as Astro took off again, flying back uptown. Rene came out of the fog she was in, and clung on to Reno for support as the two of them walked into the hotel lobby.

K pulled out his portable BFG, and crouched down in a stable position to aim the powerful gun. He let loose a full power blast into the heart of the mob sending a mushroom cloud of debris high into the air. Several hundred dead bugblatter beasts rained down all around him and J, but there were still quite a few thousand of them still there.

Suddenly, the mob split in half. About a thousand of the hungry bugs did an about face and started advancing at a good 50 mph toward the two MIB agents.

“Oh Crap!” J said. He only had the small ray gun in his pocket. Though it didn't look quite as impressive as the BFG, it also had quite a punch. He aimed and fired at the advancing mob, cutting down a few dozen of the nearest invaders, while K let loose another round on the BFG. Most of the bugs near the museum turned about to join the mob advancing on the agents.

K quickly calculated the balance and realized that at this rate there would be at least one or two thousand bugs that would make it to them. “It's been nice knowing you partner” he said to J.

Astro arrived on the scene to see that his fellow agents had managed to distract most of the bugs away from the Museum by setting themselves up as tasty targets. They were doing a good reenactment of the battle of the Little Big Horn, with themselves as the 7th Cavalry, and the bugs playing the role of the Lakota, Cheyenne and Arapaho tribes of the native Americans.

Astro morphed his arms into particle beam cannons and made a quick strafing run on the few remaining bugs advancing towards the museum. He then landed next to J and K and fired a huge double blast at the advancing enemy, creating a 400 foot deep crater in the middle of the park. Like lemmings advancing toward the sea, the bugs followed each other into the hole in the ground, which was slowly filling with muddy water. Astro had either hit the water table below the park, letting in the Hudson river, or had ruptured a water main. Within a few minutes there were several thousand drowned roach monsters sinking to the bottom of the new cesspool.
“I don't think the NYC Parks Department is going to be too happy about this one” J muttered.

Back at MIB HQ C debriefed the three agents.
“Well you guys did a good job handling the bugblatter beast threat.” he told them. “The Vogons packed up and left the planet after your encounter with the one you hauled in here for questioning. Hopefully we've seen the last of them.”

“What about that Bebblebrox character?” K asked.

“I'm not sure.” C told them. “Although there is one more related matter I need you to look into. Seems we have a demented robot on the loose in Coney Island. The police aren't quite sure how to handle him.”

“Sounds like Marvin.” Astro said. “I'll go look into that.”

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

Part Sixteen

The black Ford headed over the Manhattan Bridge, and down Flatbush Avenue. At the Grand Army Plaza they turned onto Prospect Park West, and entered the Prospect Expressway. The highway ended at Church Avenue where it dumped them onto Ocean Parkway. At the end of that 8 lane wide thoroughfare, they turned right onto Surf Avenue and parked in front of Deno's Amusement Park in the heart of Coney Island.

“This is where he was spotted.” K told A.

“Right.” Astro said. “I'll deal with him. As a robot I can think at his level.
Anyway, Marvin isn't dangerous.”

“Just incredibly obnoxious.” J said.

Astro ignored the remark and exited the car. He entered through the main gate of the small amusement center. High overhead, the Wonder Wheel towered above him. The famous Ferris Wheel had first opened in 1920. Astro walked past a few arcades and kiddie rides, and approached large Ferris Wheel. Sitting in one of the swinging cars, and refusing to get off was the silver android with the large sad looking eyes. Astro flashed his MIB badge to the operator of the ride, and walked toward the car where Marvin was held up.

“Hello Marvin.” Astro said. “What's up?”

“Oh nothing much.” The paranoid android sighed. “I'm just sitting here contemplating my navel, which I don't have. Makes it rather difficult to meditate.”

“I'll have to ask you to leave the ride” Astro sighed. “There are some paying customers waiting in line.”

“I suppose that had to happen.” Marvin said. “I did try to pay for a ticket you know. I guess Alterian currency isn't widely accepted on this planet.”

“I'm afraid not.” Astro agreed.

“I really don't know what is going to become of me.” Marvin sighed. “Zaphod abandoned me here after paying off the Vogons. Actually, I was part of the payment to them, but the Vogons left me here. Said I didn't like their poetry or something. Actually, I really didn't mind the Vogons reading me poetry, it was just the kind of distraction I needed to think.”

“If you say so.” Astro said.

Marvin got out of the Ferris Wheel car and walked with Astro to the amusement park exit. They got in the black Ford and headed back to the MIB HQ.


“What's going to happen to Marvin?” Astro asked C back at HQ.

“I don't know.” C said. “We might be able to use him here, but he'd need some reprogramming.”

“Hmm, I've got an idea.” Astro laughed. “Can I take Marvin with me?”

“Fine with me.” C said. “But I guess you'd better ask Marvin.”

Astro removed his dark glasses and handed them along with his neuralyzer to C.
“I'll be leaving NYC tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to hand in my resignation.” Astro said. “It was a blast working with you guys”

C gave Astro a serious look. “Normally, when an MIB agent leaves the force, we have to wipe his memory. Since that won't work with you, I'll have to have you swear an oath of secrecy.”

“No problem.” Astro said. “No one will ever learn anything about your organization from me.”
Astro shook hands with K, J, and C. He and Marvin left the MIB HQ and headed uptown toward the hotel where Astro and Reno were staying.


Reno's seminar was over and he was busy packing to go back home when Astro and Marvin walked into the hotel room.

“Who's your friend?” Reno asked, looking at Marvin.

“He's a robot that was abandoned here on Earth.” Astro said. “He used to serve aboard a star ship. Poor guy is rather depressed all the time. I thought he might make a good companion for Atlas.”

Reno took a look at Marvin and broke into laughter. “Now that's too cruel! I like that idea!”

“Did you say goodbye to your new girl friend?” Astro asked.

“Rene and I exchanged phone numbers and email addresses.” Reno said. “She promised to come visit me in Japan next summer. I think I will be returning to New York again soon anyway.”

“OK!” Astro laughed, slapping Reno on the back.

“How about you?” Reno said.
“Well I had fun working with the authorities, but I'll be glad to be getting home.” Astro said.

“By the way, who were those guys in the black suits?” Reno asked.

“What guys?” Astro said with a straight face.

“Sworn to secrecy, er?” Reno said. “OK, I can dig that.”


Marvin didn't enjoy the flight back to Japan. “Here I am stuffed in the cargo hold of a 777. Brain the size of a planet, and they don't buy me a ticket, they send me steerage class.” he muttered all the way there.

The End

So how did you like this story? I'll probably clean it up (look for errors, etc) and put it on FF.net under crossovers eventually.

[Tetsuwan Penguin]

I've started posting this story up on Fanfiction.net
It's mostly the same as was here (except a bit of four letter word censoring has been removed :d evil .