Astro writes to the Editor

[dannavy85]

Dear Editor,

I am a robot fire fighter assigned to Shinjuku Battalion 12, Squad 4 and I wanted to add to Astro's earlier collumn "Repeatfull simple human errors" You should write a book Astro, it would be hillarious!

Well...for me the funniest repeatable human pet trick is cats in a tree. I think our department wastes more time getting treated for cat maulings than fighting fires, in fact, we robots have been saddled with the primary duty of mobile scratching pads for fluffy. How undignified, how dangerous and how hillarious it is to watch a poor firebot being attacked by a fluffy whirling Ginsu.

Atlas! Save us!

[Ataru Moroboshi]

Dear Editor,

I am a robot fire fighter assigned to Shinjuku Battalion 12, Squad 4 and I wanted to add to Astro's earlier collumn "Repeatfull simple human errors" You should write a book Astro, it would be hillarious!

Well...for me the funniest repeatable human pet trick is cats in a tree. I think our department wastes more time getting treated for cat maulings than fighting fires, in fact, we robots have been saddled with the primary duty of mobile scratching pads for fluffy. How undignified, how dangerous and how hillarious it is to watch a poor firebot being attacked by a fluffy whirling Ginsu.

Atlas! Save us!

This robot looks like Alpha 5! Ayeayeayeayeaye...

Ehum...

Deah Edditor:

I'm vritin dis leddah vecause dis Atlas iz a badi and uoants to kik mi brodda. He's a baz pezzon.

Ok, I'm, fed up of acting like the cute, nice and innocent little sister of Astro. Look, you overgrown tomato, I don't know (and I don't care) haow you managed to run away from Pluto, but I'm pretty sure that he would have reduced you to junkyard supplies if he had the opportunity to do so. Are you man enough to replicate to this, you pepper replicant? Watch your back, Atlas! Cobalt, Titanium and I are not the nicey bros. trio anymore. Get ready to ROCK!!!

Lots of love, your cute lil' sister

Uran

[dannavy85]

Dear Editor,

I am not responsible for my little sister's blunt force trama when it comes to her spouting off. On a more interesting note regarding things human's do that makes my head spin...crosswalks.

They add music, lights, bells...hey I've even seen a few railroad type gates in Tokyo and still humans like to run the car bumper gauntlett on dark streets, outside the cross walk zones, with little head twisting or..and is this ever stupid...darting into traffic from between two parked cars!

Ugh...I tell you, sometimes I think a little shock chip should be installed in the brains of humans so every time they resort to temporary dumbness, they get a 10 thousand kilowatt jolt to the gazoo.

You know...I really should write a book! Yeah! I'll call it Stupid human pet tricks robots should avoid. And don't think I never sit back in my Middle School class wondering if the human education system really is as good as it should be.

Astro
New Shinjuku

[dannavy85]

Dear Editor,

Since Astro likes to point out our flaws, allow me to point out a case of "blonde root virus infests robots". Last month was our class introduction to chemestry. Well right off the bat Astro decided he wanted to show us all how he could make a soft drink from a batch of chemicals.

Watching him mix the ingrediants, I warned him about three of the chemicals and the possibility that they could produce an unstable reaction, to which he said "Tamao, I'm sure that the ministry of science programed me well enough to know when I'm doing something wrong."

Well sure enough the chemical combination reacted insanely and a high powered stream of cabonized green liquid sprayed all over Astro while he tried vainly to cover the mouth of the flask.

The stench was horrible! There he was standing with a dumb look on his face covered in this smelly goop and I couldn't stop laughing. "Who designed the program again? Bart Simpson?"

Astro didn't talk to me for two weeks. Remember Astro, don't throw stones at glass houses. : )

Tamao
New Shinjuku

[Astro Forever]

I believe Astro's too nice though, he'd still talk to Tamao... but it's more interesting this way. At times flawless characters aren't the most interesting ones.

[dannavy85]

You're right, he'd still talk to Tamao but I think he'd learn a quick lesson in over-confidence and boasting. Astro can't be super-perfect or he'd be rather boring.

[dannavy85]

Dear Editor,

In reply to Mister Onewaka's letter "Robot eyes and the law" he stated his deep concern over the ability of the police to use robots as deputized constibles now that the robot law has clearly identified them as individuals with the same endowed rights as humans.

In regards to traffic infractions, we the police can not compel nor issue warrents forcing robots to turn over collective data regarding such infractions as speeding, light running, illegal parking....your typical everyday minor infractions. However in the case of DUI/DWI , wreckless endangerment, or abuse of vehicles which result in a serious debilitating casualty or death, the District Atourney has full authority to issue a writ of assistance to all robots who may have witnessed the situation and then a summons to appear in court to give their sworn verbal testamony only.

In the case of flight from the scene of an accident, armed resistance,or evasion where the suspect individual has successfully fled the police, robots can then be summoned before the district attourney and the chief of police to give both sworn testamony and collected visual evidence towards the aprehension of the flight offender.

Trust me, you don't have to worry about last week's J Walking : )

Sgt Deutadi
Shinjuku PD