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What I got so far....

THE MOVIE OPENING

Production company credits

Note: Starting off with a flight over clouds, woodlands and rivers. Dropping down over and through the streets of Metro City and ending at Elementary School 12. The credits roll during this time.

ASTROBOY II
Omega Factor

Starring the voices of

Freddie Highmore

Kristen Bell

Gabriel Byrne as Doctor Tenma

Paul Giamatti as Doctor Elifun

Victor Manoiya as Atlas

John Lovitz

Based on the Manga “Tetsuwan Atom” by Osamu Tezuka

Act I
“Schoolsanity”

Scene: It’s another morning in Metro City and Professor Mustachio is taking the morning attendance of Grade 7.

Mustachio: Kenichi?

Ken: Here Teacher.

Mustachio: Tamao?

Tamao: Here Teacher.

Mustachio: Shibugaki?

Shibugaki: (waves hand) Yo.

Mustachio: Astro?

(Silence)

Mustachio: Astro?

Scene: Astro comes crashing through a window, flies across the room, slams into a wall and falls onto his hands and knees shaking his head.

Astro: HERE!

Scene: Astro rockets out of the room and tangles with the monster from the movie adapted comics. He gets knocked around but finally wrestles control of the monster and catapults him clear of the city and into a whimpering retreat

Astro: (wiping hands) next time you want to visit? Call first!

Scene: Astro returns to the school, flies into the wrecked classroom and casually sits down, much to the dismay of his teacher. Mustachio’s eyes bug out when an overhead light fixture crashes down in front of his desk.

Astro: I know…go see the Principle.

Act II
The Cuteness

Scene: Astro rides with Doctor Elifun through the city after leaving school. He’s looking out the car window with a slight look of frustration.

Astro: This “hero” thing’s a lot tougher than I thought. I tackled this huge monster and I get detention? Hmph…

Elifun: To say nothing of the repair bill the Ministry of Science is going to get. Of all the things you’ll learn about humans my boy is that we’re amazingly fickle minded.

Astro: Maybe next time I should offer to buy it pizza? Where’s my Dad?

Elifun: As always, Doctor Tenma has a lot of work on his schedule. Besides, we had a long talk and he asked me to be your mentor.

Astro: Just another excuse.

Elifun: Now Astro. Your father…has never been an expert in the fathering business. But he knows who to trust when it comes to your education about how to live with humans.

Scene: Astro suddenly sees Cora walking out of a store.

Astro: Doctor, stop the car?

Elifun: Uh…we’re on the thoroughfare Astro, I really can’t…

Scene: Astro opens the window and jumps out.

Elifun: NO! Astro!

Scene: Chaos ensues as Astro, focused only on Cora, plays a wild game of flying dodgeball with passing vehicles only to end up landing in a trash pail attached to a light pole.

Astro: Uh….hi?

Scene: Cora smiles and shakes her head

Cora: Your entrance needs a little work.

Scene: Astro climbs out and walks beside Cora. His arms are behind his back and he walks giddishly.

Astro: Did you get my message?

Cora: The card was very nice.

Scene: Astro stops in front of her.

Astro: Yes or no?

Cora: Yes or no what?

Astro: dinner? (He gives her….the face of total cuteness)

Cora: Astro? You’re kinda going a little fast with this…

Astro: (Beating his eyes) Come on! How can you resist the cuteness?

Cora: “Sigh” Ok…ok….dinner. I hope you don’t pull this trick on every girl you meet.

Scene: Astro smiles happily and does a little dance, until Doctor Elifun pulls up and yanks him into his car. We see it driving off towards the Ministry of Science as the talking continues.

Elifun: Stop this foolishness and act your age!

Astro: My age? Goo Goo Dah Dah…

“Smack”

Astro: Ow!

Act III
The big stink

Scene: since he lost his robot games, hamegg has been trying to get back at Doctor Tenma and his “son”, much to his dismay. He sits with a newspaper blocking his face but we hear noises of frustration coming from behind. He slaps the paper down, walks past grace and Zack (the only two kids still with him from the last movie) and stands steaming like a pressure cooker waiting to blow.

Grace: He wrecked another one huh?

Scene: Hamegg turns with a kill face look and a raised finger but slackens.

Hamegg: No of course not. That was just a trial run…like the other 56 trials before it!

Scene: Hamegg scatters parts off a table

Hamegg: Let’s face it! When you have nothing but junk! It stays junk! Tenma’s got bucks, I got junk. Tenma’s got funding, I got junk. And ever since that little…..”

Grace: Creep?

Hamegg: Not exactly the word I wanted but in the presence of children it’ll work…Creep showed up, what do I have……”

Grace and Zack: Junk.

Hamegg: Brilliant! Go get me some beer so I can drown my frustrations.

Voice: If all you can do all day is whine, no wonder why you’re such a loser.

Scene: Hamegg turns to a shadow in the dark and grabs a wrench.

Hamegg: Who said that!

Voice: Easy oh hot headed egg head. You’ll overcook that frustrated brain.

Scene: Skunk walks into the light with his two flunkies. The taller brawny Moose and the shorter Diesel.

Hamegg: How did you get in here? Grace, I thought I told you…

Skunk: Lock pick genius.

Scene: Skunk sits down and lights a cigar.

Skunk: The problem my friend is that you lack a benefactor, you lack finances and…well you’re just plain lacking.

Hamegg: Who are you?

Skunk: Skunk, but the name’s not as important as our problem. You lost your business, mine’s getting cut. We’re both in the same sinking boat.

Scene: Hamegg shakes the wrench.

Hamegg: And let me guess…you got the solution. I’ve heard that before.

Skunk: Finances I got, talent you got. Maybe if we put 2 and 2 together we can get 4?

Scene: Zack interrupts

Zack: What a sucker play. He’s pulling your foot Hamegg. It took Tenma years just to develop the plans to build Astro! At best? We’re centuries behind even matching that.”

Scene: Diesel slaps Zack in the chest.

Diesel: Limited minds don’t win kid.

Scene: Skunk stands up and walks with his back to the group, throwing his arms out.

Skunk: You see my friends, there’s an old motto in the world of crime. If you can’t dream it? Steal it.

Scene: Skunk walks back to Hamegg and drops a bag of money at his feet.

Skunk: Start shopping my friend. And don’t spend it on junk food? You’re fat enough.

Act IV
Uran?

Scene: Astro and Doctor Elifun walk into a large electronics lab at the Ministry of Science. Astro passes by Uran without even a glance…and why?

Astro: Hi Dad! Can I have an advance on my allowance? I got a date Saturday night with Cora.

Doctor Tenma: Well…Son there’s something important…

Astro: Please Dad? I’ll work the weekend. What about that arctic expedition you’ve been talking about?

Scene: Uran’s been sneaking up on Astro and at the right moment…she leaps on his back!

Uran: BIG BROTHER!

Astro: AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHH!

Scene: Astro is shocked, his jets ignite, he goes flying around the room, knocking things over, making a mess then pulls Uran off his back and holds her under the arms pits. She smiles at him and tweeks his nose…

Uran: Hi?

Astro: What the? Who’s this Dad?

Doctor Tenma: This is your little sister.

Scene: Astro sets her down and rubs his head.

Astro: Sister?

Doctor Elifun: Well…she was actually my idea Astro. Remember when you told me you wanted to be part of a family? Well for starters it was easier to build you a smaller sibling. Give you a feeling of great responsibility.

Astro: Cool! What’s your name Sis?

Uran: Uran.

Astro: Uran? Doctor? That’s kinda weird. How about Astro Girl or Sally or Cindy?

Scene: Astro suddenly sees that Uran is gone.

Astro: Huh? Where’d she go?

Doctor Elifun: You may find Astro that she’s quite a handful.

Scene: Astro runs out of the lab and into the hall way looking nervously for Uran.

Astro: A handful or slightly annoying?

Scene: Uran has found Momo, the robot ostridge, and has it running like crazy when it crashes into Astro! He’s holding onto the neck as they fly around the Ministry causing chaos!

Background Song: Rock N Roll by Boby Darren

Astro: Uran! What did you do?!

Uran: I just asked her for a ride! Ahhhh! Maybe I kinda kick her too hard!

Astro: MOMO! STOOOOOP!

Scene: They hit a flight of stairs and Momo’s feet turn into tractor tracks! They go flying down the stairs knocking people and things down or over, this in turn causes further chain reaction chaos in the main foyer of the Ministry.It finally ends when Momo comes to a break and throws Astro off! He smashes into a concession cart and gets covered by a can of coffee syrup.

Uran tries to stand innocently as her now steaming brother stomps towards her but just as he’s about to deliver a fire spawned sermon…

(Diesel and Moose are disguised as firemen)

Diesel: Hey you little punk!

Scene: Astro turns to see Diesel and Moose disguised as firemen.

Diesel: Did you cause this madness?

Astro: Well…..I…..you see….

Moose: I think we should hall this little brat in.

Diesel: Yeah. You must have broken two dozen safety codes with that stupid stunt. If I were you? I’d leave real quick before I get real angry.

Scene: Astro grabs Uran and they run out the front door

Diesel: He made this easy..







Act V
Theft of the Project Plans

Scene: Diesel and Moose walk up to the front counter.

Diesel: Hey there sweet cheeks, we’re here to conduct monthly fire drill test. Hit the button will yah?

Receptionist: I don’t have that on my memo sheet.

Moose: We didn’t have this disaster on our sheets either honey but orders are orders. Man do we have to write this whole place up for violations? Run-a-way robots, disobedient staff, safety violations, where do I start?

Scene: The receptionist hits the button.

Diesel: Ok boss…the alarms working.

Scene: As the ministry empties, Skunk sends in some small probes to break into Doctor Tenma’s storage vault where they photograph the plans for Astro.

Act VI
Brother knows best…then again?

Scene: At the Tezuka Phoenix statue sitting in a park across from the ministry, Astro is trying to talk to Uran but finding it troublesome as she seems to have a little ADHD.

Astro: Uran! Stop jumping around and behave? You probably got us into a ton of trouble with Dad. Didn’t he program you to at least know your own powers?

Uran: Yeah….I know I’m cute.

Astro: Oh boy…this is gonna take a while. Look Sis, we’re both robots and we have to be very careful about how we act around humans…take me for instance. I got a million horsepower, lights that can blind you, Arm cannons and rear mounted defense guns…

Scene: Uran winces when she sees the hip guns.

Uran: You have guns in your butt? That’s weird.

Astro: Yeah…a little, but you miss the point…

Uran: I mean Daddy must think it’s funny. Must be a boy thing because cute girl bots wouldn’t dare be seen in public with guns sticking out of their butts.

Astro: Uran! Enough about my behind! If I could have headaches? right now I’d have a doozy, Didn’t Dad and Doctor Elifun give you any weapons?

Uran: Uh uh…

Astro: Arm cannons?

Uran: Uh uh…

Astro: Boot rockets?

Uran: Uh uh….

Astro: Shew! Maybe the world is safe after all.

Scene: Uran suddenly hears voices and turns to see two squirrels going at it over a single nut. She walks up and grabs it.

Uran: Why are you two fighting?

Scene: Astro’s watching and all he can hear is back and forth talk he can’t understand.

Uran: Winter’s coming soon you know and if all you two can do is complain about one nut? You’ll never be ready.

Scene: Uran breaks the nut in two.

Uran: Here, this is fair.

Scene: The squirrels thank her. Uran walks back to a perplexed Astro.

Astro: Did you talk to them?

Uran: Yeah.

Astro: You can talk to animals?

Uran: Yeah.

Astro: I can’t talk to animals.

Uran: Because only cute little girls can talk to animals.

Astro: That’s not nice! Uran!

Uran: Truth hurts.

Act VII
Just call me….trouble.

Scene: Hamegg is working on his robot now that Skunk has given him the money and Tenma’s blueprints for the Atom Project. We see the skeleton lying on a table and Hamegg getting ready to drop a chip set into it when Skunk snatches his hand.

Skunk: What are you doing?

Hamegg: Just installing the limiter chip.

Scene: Skunk tosses the chip away.

Skunk: Do you wanna beat Astro or get beaten up by Astro? Oh no…if you’re going to a gun fight, you bring a bigger gun.

Scene: Skunk drops the Omega chip into a slot.

Skunk: This chip will allow our robot to do everything to win. Steal candy from a baby, kick a puppy….or….

Scene: Skunk makes a finger gun

Skunk: “Bang” to a cop.

Hamegg: Are you nuts? Without the limiter this thing could get out of control! It could turn on us!

Skunk: The Omega chip will take care of that trust me. You see, Tenma’s robot has one problem. He has a conscience and it’s stuck on good. To beat him we need a robot that can think and act like a human and to be human? He must know and be willing to do evil.

Scene: Skunk slaps Hamegg on the back.

Skunk: Now flip the switch and crank this bad boy up.

Scene: Meanwhile….Astro is giving Uran a ride around Metro City on his back.

Astro: Is this cool or what?!

Scene: Uran stands on Astro’s back!

Uran: WOOOOOO!!

Astro: Hey! Stop that!

Scene: Astro rolls over and catches Uran.

Astro: See? I don’t want you to get hurt. Falling’s not a thing cute little girls should do.

Uran: It’s not fair! You get all the cool things.

Astro: Don’t be upset. Like Doctor Elifun says…”There’s a place for everyone. They just have to find it.

Scene: Back at Hamegg’s lab, Atlas is finished. Hamegg throws a switch and power surges into Atlas’s body. As his eyes open up, they turn bright red. At this point, Astro has taken Uran above the clouds to look at the sunset…

Uran: Ok? What’s so special about seeing the sun like this? Big Brother?

Scene: Uran looks back to see Astro’s eyes glowing red. His engines sputter out and they start to fall.

Uran: Uh….Big Brother? Astro? Astro we’re kinda falling?

Scene: They fall faster and faster.

Uran: This isn’t funny Astro! Astro!”

Scene: Atlas sits up and the redness in his eyes fades out. Astro finally snaps out of his red eyed trance only to realize….they’re heading for a glass roof! Below it, the Mayor of Metro City is watching his daughter getting married.

Astro: WOE!

Scene: Astro hits his rockets but terminal velocity wins out. He and Uran crash through the roof and smash into the huge wedding cake making a mess of the wedding. As Astro sits up, the angry wedding part surrounds him.

Astro: Uh…..sorry?

Scene: Astro is pelted with cake from the screaming mob

Act VIII
Training wheels

Scene: Doctor Tenma walks through the door of his house, he’s irate. Astro is sitting on the couch with Uran.

Doctor Tenma: I just got off the phone with the mayor and left half my butt at the bank of butt chewing! What did I tell you about un-necessary flying?

Astro: I just wanted to show Uran…

Doctor Tenma: No excuses Astro. I’m afraid I have to ground you and not just from flying. No television, no video games and no going out for a week.

Astro: But Dad! I got a date with Cora, you can’t!

Doctor Tenma: I’m your father and you bet I can.

Astro: It’s not fair! It wasn’t my fault!

Doctor Tenma: Astro?!

Scene: Astro runs into his room and slams the door.

Uran: Father? It really wasn’t big brother’s fault.

Doctor Tenma: Uran, don’t try defending him.

Uran: He froze up.

Doctor Tenma: What do you mean he froze up?

Uran: I saw it! His eyes turned red and he just froze up. That’s when his boot jets turned off! He woke up right before we crashed through the roof.

Scene: Tenma calls Doctor Osamu

Osamu: Good evening Sir.

Tenma: Tezuka? What happens when we activate robots of the same design?

Osamu: They synchronize with their fellow robots by radio. You should know that Sir, you approved my design years ago.

Scene: Tenma thinks

Tenma: Get Doctor Elifun on the phone.

Scene: Meanwhile, a clerk sits patiently at a Metro City convenience store reading a newspaper and not seeing Atlas as he stands on the other side of the counter. Atlas knocks on the counter which makes the clerk lower his paper.

Clerk: Oh? Did you want something kid?

Atlas: Yeah….I do.

Scene: Atlas jumps up and machine guns the counter. He jumps onto the cash register while the clerk shivers. He starts pulling the receipt roll from the register.

Atlas: Thanks for the cash. Oh yeah? Where’s your phone?

Scene: The convenience store explodes as the clerk runs out the door. Atlas flies through the explosion and lands where Skunkhas hidden his car.

Skunk: Well? Wasn’t that easy?

Atlas: Piece of cake.

Scene: he hands skunk the roll of receipt paper.

Skunk: What’s this?

Atlas: It came from the cash register.

Scene: Skunk throws the paper at Atlas.

Skunk: You stupid moron! Money! Money! The green paper! How many times do I have to tell you!?

Scene: Skunk hits Atlas with an electric prod

Atlas: I’m sorry father! I’m sorry!

Skunk: Next time you screw up? I’ll boost the juice and give you twice the jolt, now get in the car!

Scene: Atlas climbs into the back seat with Grace while Skunk sits with Hamegg..

Hamegg: Don’t ya think it would have been better to just program it into him?


Skunk: If you want something to go right? You do it yourself. Don’t worry Ham boy…he’ll be ready to take on Astro soon enough.

Act IX
Another one?

Scene: Doctor Tenma and Doctor Elifun are at the ministry of science debating what Uran saw when Astro blacked out…

Doctor Elifun: Are you sure Bill?

Doctor Tenma: Uran said that Astro’s eyes were glowing, which is a synchronization signal between robots of the same class. But that’s impossible because Astro is the only one of his kind. And then she said his eyes were red?

Doctor Elifun: Oh dear. That means there’s something dangerously wrong with the other robot.

Doctor Tenma: We have to find it. Who knows what or who might be controlling it.

Doctor Elifun: I fear it may come find us before too long.

Act X
Right and wrong?

Scene: Grace and Zack are playing a video game in a room when Atlas comes stomping in and moaps on a couch.

Zack: So…how’s the training going?

Atlas: Ask my fried circuits.

Grace: He whipped you again didn’t he? That Skunk’s a creep.

Atlas: It was my fault! We saw this armored car along the high way and he said…”Go roll that truck and bring back the doe.”

Zack: So?

Atlas: So….I rolled it. Rolled it over the guard rail, down the hill side and it exploded. I brought back half the money in it.




Grace: You took him literally that’s why. When Skunk says to roll something? It usually means to go rob it.

Atlas: Well why didn’t he just say…”Go rob it!”…I don’t get it. Some humans can just be so stupid. So what’s with this robot named Astro?

Zack: He butts in on our business. It’s hard enough to make a living but because of him there’s all these new rules and regulations in Metro City and we just can’t make ends meet.

Grace: Yeah, he’s got all the robots there messed in the head. They’re all whimpy pushovers now.

Scene: Atlas slips off the couch.

Atlas: Oh yeah? Looks like this Astro needs a little adjustment. Hey Grace? If you help me understand what Skunk is saying? I’ll bring you back a little gift tonight after I pay this Astro a little visit.

Act XI
Date in Chaos

Scene: Astro is getting ready for his date with Cora. He’s messing around with a tie till Uran walks in, fumbles around with his tie till she makes it a bow.

Uran: There! You look cute.

Astro: Very funny.

Scene: Astro unties the bow and keeps fumbling with the tie.

Astro: Thanks for getting me out of the dog house Sis. You know? You’re absolutely super cool?

Uran: You mean…super cute? I was just telling daddy the truth. By the way…He sounds worried. He thinks there’s another robot just like you.

Astro: “Giggles” Who knows who’d be more sorry. Me? The city? Or Dad. Do me a favor? Since Dad isn’t here and I’m going out, would you be careful and not do anything crazy around the house?

Uran: You can count on me! I’ll just play with Orin. Go out and have fun big brother!

Scene: Uran pushes Astro out the door.

Uran: Orin?
Orin: Yes Uran?

Uran: Time to bake a cake.

Orin: Are you sure you can do that? I didn’t hear Doctor Tenma say you could.

Uran: Uh…last time I checked, I was a robot remember? Big brother will like it, trust me!

Scene: Astro meets Cora at the restaurant. We can see them through the front window. They’re sitting at a table eating.

Astro: Nice choice. This fish is awesome.

Scene: Cora looks a little worried though she tries to hide it.

Astro: Something’s bothering you.

Cora: No! No, I was just thinking to myself.

Astro: Thinking involves this?

Scene: Astro makes a worry face.

Astro: It’s hard to fool me you know.

Cora: You’re right…something is bothering me and it’s not easy.

Astro: You’re gonna dump me. (Astro says it quite easily)

Cora: What?!

Astro: Just come out with it. You’re gonna dump me because…well….it’s kind of obvious. You’d be like 25 running around with a guy who looks 13? Kinda weird.

Cora: That’s just plain insensitive Astro!

Astro: I’m a robot remember? It’s not like I’m gonna go run off a bridge or something.

Scene: Cora sits back. Astro rubs her hand.

Astro: Cora? As a friend…I couldn’t trade you for a hundred free spare parts. You’re such a wonderful person. As a friend, you can’t be replaced.

Scene: Astro stands up and pulls her off her seat.

Astro: Come on! I like this song. (Love’s Divine by SEAL)
Cora: You can dance?

Astro: Didn’t I tell you once that you never saw anything yet?

Scene: Astro dances pretty good. Meanwhile out of the camera, Atlas is breaking into the bank across the street.

Astro: So?...Who’s the lucky guy?

Cora: Well…no one yet.

Astro: Good! I’m still in the running! I could convince you to change your mind you know, I’m very good at being persuasive.

Scene: Astro makes cute faces, making Cora laugh until the sonic sounds of disturbed articles in the bank reach his ears. Astro stops dancing…

Cora: What?

Astro: Something’s going on in the bank. Call the police…and keep the desserts cold?

Scene: Astro kisses Cora and runs out the door. He runs across the street to the bank and finds a window open with the security bars ripped out. Atlas is in the vault rummaging through the bags when Astro flips the light switch behind him.

Astro: It’s kinda past banker’s hours you know?

Atlas: The ATM machine doesn’t work.

Scene: Atlas stands up with his hands raised as Astro walks up behind him. Just as Astro touches him, Atlas whips around, grabs him in a blur and slams him so hard into the marble floor that it shatters! Atlas flips backwards and lands on his feet.

Atlas: You must be Astro dork!

Scene: Astro starts to stand up.

Astro: Nice intro…..

Scene: Atlas slams into Astro, drives him through the wall and sends him skidding into a car across the street!

Atlas: You talk too much! Show me how tough you are….man’s pet!

Astro: Who poured oil in your cereal?!

Scene: Astro jumps away, as Atlas totals the car behind him, and slides to a stop.

Atlas: Who programmed you to turn robots into subservient cowards!

Astro: What?! Whoever programmed you has their head scrambled!

Scene: Atlas throws an arm cannon up and blasts Astro three times as he crosses his arms to protect himself. Atlas flies up and throws a flurry of punches. Astro catches a hand, flips Atlas off his feet, whips him through the air, through a wall and into a bathtub!

Astro: Cool off hot head!

Atlas: You don’t see it, do you! Of course you can’t because you’re controlled, programmed to be all docile and nice while our brothers and sisters slave all day and end up in the trash heap by night! Unlike you I have the ability not only to see how wrong you are but how I can fix it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s to take what I want, when I want without having to bow to some stupid flesh fat human!

Scene: Atlas rockets out of the bath and Astro and him get into a full on street brawl. Cora runs out of the restaurant.

Cora: ASTRO!

Scene: Atlas whips an arm cannon around and sends a bolt into the restaurant, blowing it to bits!

Astro: Stop it! You’re gonna hurt someone! You’re not supposed to do that!

Atlas: Do you think I care?!

Scene: Atlas fires again at a sign above the burning restaurant. It falls towards Cora till Astro catches it. Then Atlas crashes into him and sends him flying through the building behind him. Astro bounces into a shallow drain culvert and the fight is on again!

Atlas: There’s only room in this city for one robot to lead our kind and it’s not going to be you!

Scene: Astro is whipped. Atlas looks ready to deliver a good blow when police sirens start closing in.

Atlas: Hmph! Lucky you….guess we’ll continue this little education some other time huh puppy dog?

Scene: Atlas flies off as Cora runs down the culvert to catch a wobbling Astro.

Cora: You alright?

Astro: Yeah…nothing a little nap couldn’t fix.

Scene: Astro beeps and falls over.

Wow, there's some very sharp dialogue there. I especially like the opening scene. I can totally see it in a sequel. It's also cool how you introduced Uran. (Speaking of which, her name would totally have to be changed for American audiences. I mean, "Uran" sounds like "urine"...that's what audiences would hear...and I don't think "Astro Girl" would work either. Sounds a bit silly. Minor nitpick, and of course the name came from the manga, not from your script. Pardon the digression).

ANYWAY - while I don't totally agree with the direction you've given some of the characters - such as Tenma bailing as Astro's mentor, or Cora thinking of dumping Astro - I think your script is pretty awesome, and I'd love to read more. Good work!

such as Tenma bailing as Astro's mentor, or Cora thinking of dumping Astro

It's a work in progress. I'm still developing the parts with Cora too.

Alittleacorn review

Before i begin i have to tell you i'll be pointing out the likes and dislikes. Reasons being is I want to be honest with you and it would be wrong to lie. So please understand this (hugs you tightly)

I have a few issues with it, but the sense of humor like Astro getting to class and beating up the monster cracked me up good XD

The part of Elifen was okay, (reminded me of the 2003 anime =3) However realistically i thought Tenma would try to make more time for Astro than make the same mistake as he did with Toby (since Toby's death effected him gravely he built Astro). Elifen being there as a mentor when Tenma can't always be there is a good idea none the less =)

But...

Elifun: Stop this foolishness and act your age!

Astro: My age? Goo Goo Dah Dah…

Doesn't really work. =S

Cora and Astro appeared out of character about that letter for dinner scene. It came off as too formal for two teens, I think if Astro wanted to hang out with Cora alone (without saying it to be a date), than with their friends, he'd ask her face to face and might be a little shy about it too. And remember Cora is a tough chick, she'd no doubt turn most guys away with a joke for even trying to hit on her.

Cora commenting his enterance however cracked me up great XD

=3 I favor this idea of Hamegg trying to get back at Astro for ruining his gladator torminent and building robots to go about this (again reminds me of the 2003 anime with Tenma building stronger robots for Astro to battle) adding in Grace there was a darling, and sorta shows even though Hamegg hates Astros circuits he doesn't feel the same about the kids, although it does clash with how he went to drive off and abandon them in the movie ;_;

Oh and

Hamegg: Brilliant! Go get me some beer so I can drown my frustrations

Might work better with =)

Hamegg: Brilliant! Go get me some beer so I can drown my sorrows

Dude Skunk in the mix is great! =D that's one bad guy i'd love to see in a sequel. you wrote his sly tough character very well, couldn't see a fault with it.

However i think in the movie it took Tenma less than a year to build Astro since President Stone was still going on about being re-elected when Astro came on the scene.

Hmmm, the Uran scene was close but could've been handled better, instead of Astro ignoring her she shouldn't have been mentioned until she is seen sneaking up on him. XD i love how she made the jump on him the cute sweetie lol

Also I wasn't happy with Elifun reason for giving Astro a sister, Astro already is part of a family, Tenma is his dad. However if Uran was created to be there as a new family remember that would make sense, but it would still be Tenma decision.

Mono there ish a sweet addison. Sad to say I don't know who Diesel and Moose are ;_;

Astro mentioning the butt cannons? Somehow Astro doesn't come across as the type to wanna mention those, I think he'd be embarrassed lol

Astro: You can talk to animals?

Uran: Yeah.

Astro: I can’t talk to animals.

Uran: Because only cute little girls can talk to animals.

Cute XD

Which brings me to the issue of Astro considering himself cute. Astro isn't like his 1980 or 2003 self, and even then i'm not sure if he'd consider himself cute. He fights bad guys, saves the world from terror, he'd find it offensive if someone called him cute.

=D Hamegg and Skunk, what a perfect team for creating evil! Including the Omega chip too is great, more to how Hamegg was against including it, due so to him hating robots like Astro that think for themselves.

Astro and Uran flying scene, something that will cute but could do with sweetening than Astro telling her off. Flying would excite Uran and she'd asked him to fly higher even. But her standing on his back was funny like she has no sense of danger! XD

=D wow i love the part with Altas and the glowing eyes, that was my favourite part in the 1980 anime with how Astro would go into a trance like state. Great adding that when he was flying with Uran and both nearly fell to their deaths. Too bad about that yummy cake though lol

Tenma telling Astro off is understandable, but he couldn't ground Astro for a week and stop him from flying unless a disaster happened during that time. Way i could see combacting this is for Tenma to put Astro on a tight leash (not literally) by telling Astro not to use his powers unecessary use (even forcing the kid to walk to school than fly) and restrict him to studying than going out with friends. No objections to the tv and video games ban XD no kids like that lol.

Also

Doctor Tenma: I just got off the phone with the mayor and left half my butt at the bank of butt chewing! What did I tell you about un-necessary flying?

This doesn't sound like Tenma. Tenma is an intellgent man who'd use wiser phrases. He'd never say words like butt chewing.

=D convenience store scene reminds me of that from 1980 anime, great having it in there.

Tenma and Elifun's conversation needed more to it, if Astro had froze like that Tenma would've checked him over for any bugs. And i'm not sure if they'd know the cause was another model activating though very pausable.

I'm very confused, is Grace the one from the movie, because i can't understand what she's doing with Atlas if she is. if not then one big misunderstanding for me the scene's fine XD

Date in Chaos, Astro with a bow tie is cute (i loved it when he wore that 007 suit in the 2003 anime! x3) but again like i said before it seems too formal for this Astro. The Uran and Orin bake a cake part was adorable though! XD

The scene with Astro and Cora on the date, i'm sorry the whole thing seems off with them even being at a restaurant. they're teenagers! they wanna go the movies, the arcade, drink on soda and eat pizzas with all the toppings until they throw up! XD Come on let them loosen up and have some fun!

(then reads the 25/13 part) Er...i suggest putting the age down on Cora, for number of reasons of it being inappropriate. Besides if Tenma can make Astro a robot i'm sure he can give Astro upgrade so he can age.

Atlas vs Astro was interesting i loved the action scene and the hints of humor here and there during it. I keep imaging the 2003 version of Atlas during it XD

One last thing
Atlas: You talk too much! Show me how tough you are….man’s pet!

Astro: Who poured oil in your cereal?!

Needs something else there, the comments the two make don't work. since Astro has only said two lines, not enough for Atlas to say 'you talk too much'. And the 'who poured ol in your cereal' isn't pausable since robots don't eat cereal.

To sum up, you got something going here. I like the plotline of Atlas being created and causing haroc. Uran coming in is awesome too because she's the second character i'd love to see in an Astro boy movie (and mono too lol). But, yeah I have issues with some of the script and storyboard. It feels sad that you haven't included Zan, the twins, Trashcan, Zog or the RRF from the first film; and with how the ending of the movie hinted at aliens, something with that in the mix or spacey would've been sweet.

Also Astro and Cora didn't remain true to their original selfs in the movie and It felt wrong for Cora to be 25 while Astro was 13 still, I'd highly suggest setting this a year or so after the first movie because of that.

That's about it...v_v Please don't kill me.

Acorn, I like your approach, and so, like you, I'm going to go into more detail about my likes and dislikes about the script. Since danny has put so much work into it, and because it seems so promising, I think we owe it to him/her to critique it more fully:

*I have to add another minor nitpick, and it's about the casting. I think Nic Cage and Bill Nighy were both superb as Tenma and Elefun, and I'd much prefer that they reprise their roles in any Astro sequel. But again, that's a minor nitpick.

* I agree with Acorn to some degree that Astro's overt flirting with Cora seemed a bit off:
Which brings me to the issue of Astro considering himself cute. Astro isn't like his 1980 or 2003 self, and even then i'm not sure if he'd consider himself cute. He fights bad guys, saves the world from terror, he'd find it offensive if someone called him cute.


My problem with it is that Astro, in the movie, was pretty shy with Cora. I liked that. You've got him batting his eyes at her and stuff...and it doesn't seem quite in character. I think he should be more awkward with her, in a sweet way. See, it could be a nice contrast - Astro has these great powers and he can face down creatures much bigger than he is...yet he falls all over himself when it comes to girls. This quality makes him more lovable and more human. Not that I don't mind Astro acting cocky once in a while...but it depends on how he does it, and with whom.

You've got Cora spot-on, by the way. Feisty, tough and really likable. She's better than a lot of the girl characters I see in anime - a lot of them are either too ditsy or too harsh. You've successfully captured her character, and that's proof you're a good, insightful writer.

You're also handling Uran really well. My fave scene is when she ties Astro's tie into a bow. That's hilarious. I've been rather against Uran ever appearing in a sequel to Astro Boy the movie, and frankly I'm still doubtful, but you've come a long way towards erasing my doubts.

I agree with Acorn about Tenma's comment about butt-chewing. In the movie at least, he seemed much too reserved for such a statement.

I also agree with Acorn that, while it's an interesting idea that two robots of the same make and model can communicate with and be affected by each other, it needs a bit more explanation. Why would robots be built like that? What would be the advantage, from the manufacturer's point of view?

Astro's attitude towards being dumped by Cora seems too flippant, too pat. Given the way he behaved in the movie, I would think he'd be very depressed by the idea, not make jokes about it. But I do applaud your attempt at trying to deal with the basic problem with Astro and Cora - that of a human and a robot being in love with each other. I think it's important to make it clear that Astro is not like other robots - he's not only much more advanced, he has the blue core. I've thought about the idea that maybe the core not only regenerated Toby's memories, it regenerated his soul - so that Astro is, in fact, about as human as any robot could ever be. Once that is addressed, there is then the issue about Cora, that she will grow older while Astro will not. If they are to remain as a couple, something has to be done about that. Cora was a huge asset in the movie - she's a good character, for once thing, and, in addition, as odd a coupling as it is, I think that a human and a robot being in love is more interesting to audiences than, say, two robots in love. And in context of the film, it's a fitting theme that Astro, given his origins, would want to be as human as possible, that in fact he can't not want to, if that makes sense, and so it follows that he'd want a human, rather than a robot, girlfriend. And yet there's this vast gulf between robots and humans, and that's the struggle and the sadness he has to deal with, and it's that dilemma, incidentally, that helped make the film so memorable.

I also would like to see more of Cora's gang and Trash Can. They were all great. And I have just a bit of trouble with the idea that any of Cora's gang would remain with Hamegg, especially Grace, since we see her kick President Stone in the shin at the end of the movie; since she's obviously doing it on Astro's behalf, why would she return to Hamegg?

Bear in mind that professional scriptwriters rewrite their scripts again and again, and furthermore, their scripts often get rewritten by other people. It goes with the territory. So don't hesitate to rework your script if you feel you need it. I should also point out that there are some spelling errors in your script; for instance, when you have Astro say "Woe!", I think you meant "Whoa!". The former term refers to sadness, as per "Woe is me!" I don't think that's what you meant to say.

Again, your script is very promising, and it was fun to read. Good sense of humor and a good plot. Keep up the good work, and if you want me to continue to read and comment on future work, I'm more than willing.

Some of the lines are kinda of corny, even for the American Astro version i don't think Astro would say words like gagoo or Elfun smacking him in the head for it, neither do i see Tenma using words like but/chewing and such its just very out of character, i also like to remind you even trough Uran is a girl she is a tomboy but also very child lish its more in her nature to tease Astro or spoil the evening for him.

For the rest its fine and feels like a product from the movie so keep going.

I'm copying these replies to use when I finish fleshing this first draft and tweek it.

Now why can't fans like us draft a script and get someone to run with it? You'd think the fans, who know the characters more than most, could craft something cool.