I literally hate my brother

[Xenops]

Even though he is only seven, and autistic, he should be able to understand that his superiors are displeased with him when he has violent outbursts. It sounds to me that he's willfully doing this or has some biological component out of place. Could be a tumor that adding pressure to his amygdala or some other emotional part of his brain.

I'm not sure what else to do. I'll pray that you guys can find something that works out.

Xenops

[Dr. Jerk]

Even though he is only seven, and autistic, he should be able to understand that his superiors are displeased with him when he has violent outbursts. It sounds to me that he's willfully doing this or has some biological component out of place. Could be a tumor that adding pressure to his amygdala or some other emotional part of his brain.

I'm not sure what else to do. I'll pray that you guys can find something that works out.

Xenops

We're pretty sure this has nothing to do with physical health. And it's probably better to not worry the family more with an idea like that. If anything, his actions are willful.

[Alittleacorn]

I went to this training centre a few years ago, and there was this guy who had autism. He wasn't violent or anything but he was child like mentally. A problem was he got a crush on me and had the habit of following me everyhere, even standing outside the girl's bathroom. Me being the type who doesn't like guys getting close to me, I found this extremely stressful and nearly had a break down over it. I told him I wasn't interested many times and I wasn't comfortable with him hanging around but no matter what I said he just didn't listen. In the end I left.

I know it's nothing like your brother, but from the few I've met with autism and read about, it's like all reason is out the window. Some don't understand the simplest of rights and wrongs, heck, I read in a newspaper once an infact ripped out all his baby brother's hair and just laughed.

If he's this violent and at such a young age too, then you're right to be concerned, more so if he's giving off death threats. I wish I could do something for you to help, I really do more than anything. But all I can give is advice, and that it's that you be wary around him. And I wouldn't say no to those self defence classes.

I'm not going to say "it'll be okay" or "don't worry" because honestly I can't lie. What's going on with your family is tragic and unfair. I do hope that someday maybe your brother will be able to change. Although sadly in most cases like these this is never true. There's a difference from the way you brought up from the way you are from birth.

I'm sorry, I'm not being very helpful v_v I just can't lie about this stuff to you or anybody.

[Astronomical girl]

I know that Austism has many forms yes,and testing for it is not black and white,But either your brother is high fuctioning with autism or is very roudy but you should talk to your doctor about it and try your darnest to be patient and loving becuase you are perhaps better off then parents who are not as blessed as even talking to them,it's hard yes but try

[Dr. Jerk]

I know that Austism has many forms yes,and testing for it is not black and white,But either your brother is high fuctioning with autism or is very roudy but you should talk to your doctor about it and try your darnest to be patient and loving becuase you are perhaps better off then parents who are not as blessed as even talking to them,it's hard yes but try

Read what Alittleacorn said, perhaps autism would be a little more understanding to you.

And sorry, but even if he completely changes and becomes the nicest angel ever, I still won't love him. And before anyone thinks that I "hate people for having dysfunctions", you're wrong because I have Dyspraxia, so I understand what it is like living with a dysfunction.

[Fauna]

@Astronomical Girl: I had to share a study room in 9th grade with several Autism students, so I was exposed to the different kinds of Autistic kids. This kid is not going to change unless he gets severe psychological help; he's what the teacher I knew called "Aggressive-Aggressive". Trying to be "your darnest to be patient and loving" to this kid is going to do nothing.

One of the kids who frequented the study room, Colin, was this absolutely hateful, greasy monster who rigged a binder to fall on my shoulder (from four feet, too) just to see if it would hurt. And the hell it did; I burst out crying, and the teacher and some of her special needs students came over to check on me, while he ran out of the room laughing hysterically. In the meantime, Drew waddled around the room saying, "It must have been very heavy to fall so fast."

These are kids who don't respond to social cues, or don't recognize other peoples' feelings or visible emotions. It's almost like they're living in a glass box with a distorted view of everything around them. Some of them are nice, but some of them do anything they want and don't recognize if they've done something horribly wrong.


Anyways...Dr. Jerk, I'm so sorry to hear you and your family have to live with that. I wish I could give more advice, but I'm absolutely terrible with this subject (since I unfortunately do have a bias from experiences in the study room). Give your mother a hug for me; there's nothing she could have done to cause this. All I can suggest is getting him to a psychologist or something, even though that'll be like digging a hole with a spoon through cement.

[AprilSeven]

Wow. You poor kid, and your whole family. This is NOT fun and NOT easy.

Actually a good friend of mine has a 16 yr old son who was careening out of control - very similar (fighting, kicking, biting, hating, raging, call the cops and fabricate stories his parents were abusing him). Once put a knife to his mother's throat. She said, "If you're serious, you'd better kill me, because otherwise you'll spend your life in jail, 'cause I'll put you there." He was finally diagnosed last year with Aspergers Syndrome (another condition on the autism "spectrum").

Trust me, you CAN'T "beat" manners/respect "into" someone with one of these "communication disabilities" -- and that's actually what it is. The very best thing you (and your folks) can do read about what your brother is going through, and do the best you can to find a life that serves everyone's best interest.

Sometimes medication works, sometimes not. With this boy, working with a therapist was incredibly successful. Believe it or not, for B___, he needed certain things in his life to be "his" way. Autistic folks are almost always "selfish" in their behaviors, because something as simple as how their clothes feel, or sounds they hear, can drive them to absolute distraction, and way worse.

After they found out all the things that "B" couldn't tolerate, my girlfriend started changing their living arrangements so he could get to a relative "zen zone" - this included food, lighting, fabrics, music, sleep, style of talking/touching.

Over the course of 6 months, "B" literally transformed into a teenager who was no longer depressed, and had developed into a caring, and loving young man. It's not all perfect, he still has outbursts, but nothing, and never like it was. My friend is starting to slowly integrate requests for things he needs to learn to compromise on (like regularly washing his hair). It can be astoundingly traumatic to get an individual like B to do something other than "his way" - so it is a long process that will go on for the rest of his life. Mind you, he's a highly functioning Aspergers Syndrome person (attends a regular public high school) - but they don't have money for any kind of private school. She was grateful for scholarship money to help with counseling.

Naturally that doesn't mean your brother would respond the same way, but my hope is you become away that there actually may be a very real possibility that he could come out of the behavior he's had his whole life. Otherwise, if he ends up diagnosed as dangerous to himself and society, he will most likely spend his life institutionalized and medicated, which is a sad thing, but I know it happens.

And as far as your own experience with depression, I'm not surprised to hear the meds didn't work. My husband battles this condition, too, but what helps him the most is exercise (works away the stress) and a good therapist. Sometimes it takes another person to help "coach" you in things that seem like they should be simple -- but aren't. It's also sometimes easier to hear criticism from a shrink, than a friend or family member. They are being PAID to help you, and if they don't do a good job, you'll be gone (so they're motivated).

That is a LOT to deal with, Dr. Jerk - I certainly don't think there are any quick and easy solutions, but I'll be keeping you and your family - and your brother -- in my prayers. Even though you understandably feel frustration and hatred towards him, do your best to also consider this is actually something he can't control. It's scary because the older he gets the more dangerous he becomes.

Wishing you peace and encouragement.

[Ghost]

Wow, Jerk I'm sorry that you and your family have to put up with this. I have been around Autistic kids before, even the aggressive kids. Probably not to that extent, but I do think professional help is the best solution. A friend that goes to my school who's also friends with my mother has a kid in 2nd or 3rd grade with Autism like that. I don't think it's as bad as your case, but one time I was over there and I made him made he tried to strangle me a couple of times and yelled at me about how much he hated and wanted to kill me.

I can understand not wanting to go to that hospital. My family has sorta the same thing going on there about my depression. But if you're brother is as bad you're saying then I don't think there's any other solution other then some kind of psychiatric help. I mean, anti-depressants are one thing, but medication for Autism is another, it might be the best thing for him. I hope you get this all sorted out, I know how bad Autistic kids can be. I wish you the best of luck with this.

[Dr. Jerk]

Wow. You poor kid, and your whole family. This is NOT fun and NOT easy.

Actually a good friend of mine has a 16 yr old son who was careening out of control - very similar (fighting, kicking, biting, hating, raging, call the cops and fabricate stories his parents were abusing him). Once put a knife to his mother's throat. She said, "If you're serious, you'd better kill me, because otherwise you'll spend your life in jail, 'cause I'll put you there." He was finally diagnosed last year with Aspergers Syndrome (another condition on the autism "spectrum").

Trust me, you CAN'T "beat" manners/respect "into" someone with one of these "communication disabilities" -- and that's actually what it is. The very best thing you (and your folks) can do read about what your brother is going through, and do the best you can to find a life that serves everyone's best interest.

Sometimes medication works, sometimes not. With this boy, working with a therapist was incredibly successful. Believe it or not, for B___, he needed certain things in his life to be "his" way. Autistic folks are almost always "selfish" in their behaviors, because something as simple as how their clothes feel, or sounds they hear, can drive them to absolute distraction, and way worse.

After they found out all the things that "B" couldn't tolerate, my girlfriend started changing their living arrangements so he could get to a relative "zen zone" - this included food, lighting, fabrics, music, sleep, style of talking/touching.

Over the course of 6 months, "B" literally transformed into a teenager who was no longer depressed, and had developed into a caring, and loving young man. It's not all perfect, he still has outbursts, but nothing, and never like it was. My friend is starting to slowly integrate requests for things he needs to learn to compromise on (like regularly washing his hair). It can be astoundingly traumatic to get an individual like B to do something other than "his way" - so it is a long process that will go on for the rest of his life. Mind you, he's a highly functioning Aspergers Syndrome person (attends a regular public high school) - but they don't have money for any kind of private school. She was grateful for scholarship money to help with counseling.

Naturally that doesn't mean your brother would respond the same way, but my hope is you become away that there actually may be a very real possibility that he could come out of the behavior he's had his whole life. Otherwise, if he ends up diagnosed as dangerous to himself and society, he will most likely spend his life institutionalized and medicated, which is a sad thing, but I know it happens.

And as far as your own experience with depression, I'm not surprised to hear the meds didn't work. My husband battles this condition, too, but what helps him the most is exercise (works away the stress) and a good therapist. Sometimes it takes another person to help "coach" you in things that seem like they should be simple -- but aren't. It's also sometimes easier to hear criticism from a shrink, than a friend or family member. They are being PAID to help you, and if they don't do a good job, you'll be gone (so they're motivated).

That is a LOT to deal with, Dr. Jerk - I certainly don't think there are any quick and easy solutions, but I'll be keeping you and your family - and your brother -- in my prayers. Even though you understandably feel frustration and hatred towards him, do your best to also consider this is actually something he can't control. It's scary because the older he gets the more dangerous he becomes.

Wishing you peace and encouragement.

Thank you AprilSeven, you've described what my brother can be like. And in many ways, I think it's almost an exact match.

Unfortunately that kind of help we can't really get, or at least those that I know of. He's too old to go back to that autistic school, and unfortunately they didn't really provide us with support or suggestions of where to go next after he had graduated.

He's in the urgent care center of the downtown hospital right now, so I can only wonder what is happening.

Also, thank you Fauna too, and thank you Alittleacorn again, you both also understand where I am coming with this. Edit: Thank you too Ghost.

[Astro Forever]

Oh, this is sad. I don't have any personal experience with autism, but I do know that less serious issues in family members can be distressing, whether it's a mental health issue or a disability. This seems to be an extreme case and I can easily imagine it must make your family life feel like hell pretty much all the time. It must be totally exhausting and must not leave the rest of the family members with much joy and energy. It's hard in a way to read that you hate your brother, but I totally understand that it must be pretty much impossible to love somebody who wants to harm you and takes so much from your life, even if it's not intentional. Your family badly needs to find the right professional help as soon as possible. Hopefully he'll meet a different doctor this time or something unexpected, something good, will happen.

I hope just as much that there is somebody you can lean on at this time, whether it's a friend or a relative. Hopefully we can comfort you a little bit here, but it's not quite the same thing.