Jokes...

[Novacain]

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a friendly moderator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

[Astro Forever]

Did you by any chance mean procrastination?
Which is by the way my middle name.

We must be related, I also bear that name! *sigh* Even before the Internet, I was very good at it!

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a friendly moderator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Muhahaha! I like it!!! Ironically, here I was thinking: "oops, beware of political jokes..." I do like this topic a lot!

[MightyAstro]

An old lady was standing on the lookout point of a cliff next to the safety rails on a hiking track saying "99 99 99 99".
A hiker came wandering along and asked her why she was standing there saying 99 over and over again.
She suddenly grabbed him by the collar, lifted him above her head and threw him over the railings.
As his scream echoed she began to say "100 100 100 100"

[Novacain]

An old lady was standing on the lookout point of a cliff next to the safety rails on a hiking track saying "99 99 99 99".
A hiker came wandering along and asked her why she was standing there saying 99 over and over again.
She suddenly grabbed him by the collar, lifted him above her head and threw him over the railings.
As his scream echoed she began to say "100 100 100 100"

by far my fave !
Here I was thinking: "oops, beware of murder jokes", but what do I know?!

[Astro Boy2866]

Procrastination is like a drug and I'm hooked.

There was a plane that was about to crash. There were 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes. The first man said "I am the country's leading heart surgeon. My patients need me." he took the first parachute and jumped. The second man said "I am the world's number 1 rocket scientist. I am one of the smartest men alive. My country needs me." He took the second parachute and jumped. The third man, Pope John Paul looked at the young boyscout next to him and said, "Son, I'm old and frail and I don't have much more time to live. You should take the last parachute." and the boy replied "Now hold on, there are still 2 parachutes left. The smartest man alive just jumped out with my backpack."

[Novacain]

Procrastination is like a drug and I'm hooked.

There was a plane that was about to crash. There were 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes. The first man said "I am the country's leading heart surgeon. My patients need me." he took the first parachute and jumped. The second man said "I am the world's number 1 rocket scientist. I am one of the smartest men alive. My country needs me." He took the second parachute and jumped. The third man, Pope John Paul looked at the young boyscout next to him and said, "Son, I'm old and frail and I don't have much more time to live. You should take the last parachute." and the boy replied "Now hold on, there are still 2 parachutes left. The smartest man alive just jumped out with my backpack."

Ha! I remember this joke from way back when.. wasn't it the intelligent one the "running some land" at the time??

[Astro Forever]

Good one, Astro Boy2866! I don't think I had ever heard it!

An old lady was standing on the lookout point of a cliff next to the safety rails on a hiking track saying "99 99 99 99".
A hiker came wandering along and asked her why she was standing there saying 99 over and over again.
She suddenly grabbed him by the collar, lifted him above her head and threw him over the railings.
As his scream echoed she began to say "100 100 100 100"

I think I've read this gag in a Smurfs album, but I'd forgotten it.

Here I was thinking: "oops, beware of murder jokes", but what do I know?!

I'm not worried at all about murdered people starting flamewars on a forum!

[Novacain]

Good one, Astro Boy2866! I don't think I had ever heard it!

[QUOTE=MightyAstro;128276]An old lady was standing on the lookout point of a cliff next to the safety rails on a hiking track saying "99 99 99 99".
A hiker came wandering along and asked her why she was standing there saying 99 over and over again.
She suddenly grabbed him by the collar, lifted him above her head and threw him over the railings.
As his scream echoed she began to say "100 100 100 100"

I think I've read this gag in a Smurfs album, but I'd forgotten it.

Here I was thinking: "oops, beware of murder jokes", but what do I know?!

I'm not worried at all about murdered people starting flamewars on a forum! [/QUOTE]

Oh,ok, it's just that I've had something deleted before, which was not meant to offend. As far as I am concerned, it was light humour, but to each his/her own I suppose.

[Gotta Love ASTRO BOY]

There is a blonde and her husband driving through a desert. They suddenly stop when they see a blonde rowing her boat through the sand. The blonde in the car roles down the window and yells "Its blonds like you that are a disgrase to blonde-kind. If I could swim I would so go beat you up" (i hope this doesn't offend any one. I myself am a blonde)

[Novacain]

Confucius Say
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.