Jokes...

[Anime Girl]

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a friendly moderator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

I know that joke. Only I heard it as the characters were Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Phantom of the Opera, Lemony Snicket, and a hobo. The hobo gets the money of course, because the other 4 don't exsit, (although there has been some disputes). LOL!

[Novacain]

I know that joke. Only I heard it as the characters were Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Phantom of the Opera, Lemony Snicket, and a hobo. The hobo gets the money of course, because the other 4 don't exsit, (although there has been some disputes). LOL!

My version is better

[Anime Girl]

[QUOTE=Anime Girl 16;128337]
I know that joke. Only I heard it as the characters were Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Phantom of the Opera, Lemony Snicket, and a hobo. The hobo gets the money of course, because the other 4 don't exsit, (although there has been some disputes). LOL!

My version is better [/QUOTE]

Did you get the joke of Lemony Snicket not really existing? Probably not if you never heard of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

[Novacain]

Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.
_______________________

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. “Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. “Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

[jeffbert]

Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.
_______________________

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. “Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. “Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

I have one similar to your 2nd 1:

The condemned prisoner is standing in front of the firing squad, & the captain asks him for a last request.

"I'd like a cigarette, please."

"Sorry, the surgeon general has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health."

An old lady was standing on the lookout point of a cliff next to the safety rails on a hiking track saying "99 99 99 99".
A hiker came wandering along and asked her why she was standing there saying 99 over and over again.
She suddenly grabbed him by the collar, lifted him above her head and threw him over the railings.
As his scream echoed she began to say "100 100 100 100"

I heard a similar 1 about a guy jumping up and down upon a manhole cover saying, '76' repeatedly. A man asks why, & he says "it is fun, would you like to try it?"
When he does, the guy pulls away the manhole cover, replaces it & '77' repeatedly.

But I doubt too many could so easily pull away a solid steel manhole cover.

[Novacain]

I heard a similar 1 about a guy jumping up and down upon a manhole cover saying, '76' repeatedly. A man asks why, & he says "it is fun, would you like to try it?"
When he does, the guy pulls away the manhole cover, replaces it & '77' repeatedly.
But I doubt too many could so easily pull away a solid steel manhole cover.

You'd have too have a lil strength in them biceps!

______________
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,"I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that he choked on it, sir."

[Novacain]

THIS still warrants a view:

A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash.

Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve robots."

And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will."


_______________________________________

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:

George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"

Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"

George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???"

Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer."

[Gotta Love ASTRO BOY]

Lol

[Gotta Love ASTRO BOY]

Little Johnny and his dad go to a horse auction. His dad is examining the horses by feeling their legs. "Why are you doing that dad" Little Johnny asked. "I want to make sure their healthy before I buy them." the dad responded. Little Johnny thought for a while then said "So the UPS man wants to buy Mommy."

[Novacain]

Oh little Johnny, you never fail to make me smile!