AstroBoy Online Forums

This is a question that has been pestering me since Mother's Day and I will explain why.

I went to my partner's house for a Mother's Day barbeque and as per usual we all talked about various subjects and somehow the subject switched to my partner and I not being 'mature enough' to really be taken seriously. This really irked me but I was polite and simply asked why my partner's grandmother did not feel that we were mature.

She stated that we were not mature enough because we; were not married, did not have a house and did not have kids and only when we had all three we would be considered mature.

Another member of my partner's family went on to expand that by saying that we also were not out of college yet and did not have our roots firmly in a career and would not be considered mature until that happened as well.

Needless to say I got pretty mad but repressed my instinct to snap back at them that only two people in their entire family have actually graduated from college, and all of them have had divorces.

So my question to the forum member is; what do you think is maturity? Is it an age and just an age? Or is it defined by action? Is my partner's grandmother right?

For fun here's my definition of maturity; I think a person can be called truly mature if they can say "I am wrong" or "I was wrong" or "I am sorry" to a person that they have wronged without provocation (a person demanding an apology). I find that most people even when they know they are wrong or did something wrong, they still can't admit it to themselves or more importantly to others, even 70 year olds can't simply say "I made a mistake, I'm sorry."

I agree with your definition of maturity. Maturity should not be defined by age or what you own. What if someone don't have enough money to go to college or get a house right now? Does that mean they are immature? No. Of course it doesn't. I know people like this who are great people and very mature.
I also know young children who are more mature than some adults I know. Maturity should be based on one's thoughts and actions, not what they do. I know many girls who try to be too mature for their age by wearing high heels and make up and exaggerating their... Well you know. Many of these girls are some of the most immature people I've ever met. I'm not saying doing these things makes you immature. They just don't define whether or not you are mature. I think maturity is a big misconception in many parts of the world (especially here in America). We judge others on their age or what they own or what they wear, when I've seen many mature, less wealthy people and many mature, young people.

These are my opinions. Feel free to disagree.

"Earthshine" wrote:
She stated that we were not mature enough because we; were not married, did not have a house and did not have kids and only when we had all three we would be considered mature.

That's just plain silly, to put it kindly.

"Earthshine" wrote:So my question to the forum member is; what do you think is maturity? Is it an age and just an age? Or is it defined by action?

I say the latter. More specifically, maturity is the course of actions you chose from experience and what you learn from it.
Not everyone wants to be married. Not everyone wants to be strapped down with owning a home, I sure as heck don't. Some people want to be married and not have kids. These are choices and that has nothing to do with maturity. Imagine if somebody truly believed you have to have all three of these things to be considered mature, and winds up in an abusive relationship, brings children into that mix, and goes bankrupt over a mortgage they can't afford? That would be lacking maturity.

Apologizing is rather difficult, especially for the proud. I have learned that it is a great way to strengthen relationships, even the most casual ones. Apologizing even when we know we are in the right is even more difficult, but that too, can save relationships that may turn out to be much more valuable than pride.

"jeffbert" wrote:Apologizing even when we know we are in the right is even more difficult, but that too, can save relationships that may turn out to be much more valuable than pride.

There might be cases for which this might turn out to be true, but from personal experiences, situations where this might apply turned out to be relationships that did me no good anyway, and when I did try this, I've regretted it later.

To go back to the topic, I think the words "financially independant" might be more what the grandmother should have said. Her description of "maturity" seems strange to me too.

How do you define maturity?

Not being a jerk.

That's pretty much it.

Wow. Just... Wow.

My partner spoke to their grandmother about this and she adamantly refused that this conversation even occurred.

Thanks to all for their input and ascertaining that I was not getting irked for no reason.

Quite late here too, but I think there are as many definitions of "maturity" as there are people. But personally I would say that if you can think for yourself, and more important adequately apreciate the consequences of your acts (such as in "if I'm acting stupidly I know I will run into troubles"), you are mature.

The ability to scrutinize one's own long held beliefs separates the adults from the children. Unfortunately, few people seem to do this.