MY STORY!!!

[jeffbert]

sweet! i'll give it to you, but it's no as good ahs the first chapter

Chapter : Helta being dog fight

You need to know the squadron leaders:

Center: Caroline; Call Sign Sparx
North: Osmon; Call Sign Rocket Boy
East: Kojack; Call Sign Edge
West: Maverick; Call Sign Ice Man
South: Acheron; Call Sign Ghost Rider

It was dark and raining hard the three moons is up with the tall skyscrapers, in the moonlight. Suddenly some thing smashes the peace and the glass in the buildings, as f-14 Tomcat breaks the sound barrier, roaring past the buildings making them shake. “Roger! Roger! Four Helta bogeys coming in-bound, Ask permission to attack!?” yelled Sparx tailing one of the enemies jets “permission done! Splash bogeys! Repeat! Splash bogeys!” yelled back ground control; Sparx stepped up a gear, and sliced straight though the Helta jet in front. Then took a sharp turn to the right, pulling lots of G force (Gravity Force), and went straight though a glass skyscraper, though to the other side to destroy the other Helta jet on the other side. The weather suddenly got worse “oh! Man! I can’t see the other bogeys!” shouted Sparx, without warning a missile missed Sparx by inches, it cracked the cock pit window but, Sparx shot some flares in-to the air, And the fog cleared, then Sparx saw the last Helta jet in fount of her about to lunch a missile. Sparx said to here self “no you don’t” and fired the guns to react quickly to the missiles; Sparx destroyed the other jet with in time “whoa, man! That was too close” said Sparx turning the plane around, back to the central base in the center of star city looking to land,
But then as Sparx looked down she saw the demons of hate, but they didn’t see Sparx. Sparx was shocked and angry “what!? How did they get here?”

so what do you think of it jeffbert? is it geting better?

I think so; It seems that there has been much improvement over the 1st part. However, you still need to improve your grammar. Moreover, some words are misspelled, while others are the wrong words altogether. As an example,

Suddenly some thing smashes

"some thing" should be 'something,' one word. The plural of 'bogey' is 'bogies,' "cock pit" should be 1 word, etc.

Dialogue should be on separate lines:
[Narrative]
Joe said, "blah, blah, blah."
Steve answered, "Izzat so?"
[Narrative]

Dialogue may be written as pronounced by the speaker. irate:

[Latu]

Pretty cool story.

[CommanderEVE]

I think so; It seems that there has been much improvement over the 1st part. However, you still need to improve your grammar. Moreover, some words are misspelled, while others are the wrong words altogether. As an example, "some thing" should be 'something,' one word. The plural of 'bogey' is 'bogies,' "cock pit" should be 1 word, etc.

Dialogue should be on separate lines:
[Narrative]
Joe said, "blah, blah, blah."
Steve answered, "Izzat so?"
[Narrative]

Dialogue may be written as pronounced by the speaker. irate:

ok kool i'll do that, thanks alot

BTW... i'm going on hoilday today

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 1: the start

There was a planet called Helta. The people on the planet were very intelligent, but, the other planets didn’t believe them that they where smart. So to prove that they where intelligent, planet Helta made robots, lots of them, to help Helta being out in every day life, but, it all went wrong in 1773. The robots rebelled against Helta beings, then started a war, because the Helta beings where bulling and being very nasty to the robots, just because they where different. The robots got smart and made there own planet, they called it Delta, because in Helta being language that meant warrior. Any-way, the Delta beings fort a long 200 year war against Helta, it ended in 1973. A Helta spy was sent to delta, the spy killed the main leader of the delta R.F. (Robot Force); witch was a big loss for delta. But Sparx, a delta being was built by a doctor, who no-body knew the name of. In 1963 Sparx was trained to replace the dead leader, 10 years before the war ended. Delta won the war because they where far superior and advanced then Helta. But Delta and Helta still struggle and battle each other, to destroy each other. And here is the story.

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 2: Helta being dog fight

You need to know the squadron leaders:

Center: Caroline; Call Sign Sparx
North: Osmon; Call Sign Rocket Boy
East: Kojack; Call Sign Edge
West: Maverick; Call Sign Ice Man
South: Acheron; Call Sign Ghost Rider

It was dark and raining hard the three moons is up with the tall skyscrapers, in the moonlight. Suddenly something smashes the peace and the glass in the buildings, as f-14 Tomcat breaks the sound barrier, roaring past the buildings making them shake.
“Roger! Roger! Four Helta bogies coming in-bound, Ask permission to attack!?”
Yelled Sparx tailing one of the enemies jets
“Permission did, Splash bogies! Repeat Splash bogies!”
Yelled back ground control; Sparx stepped up a gear, and sliced straight though the Helta jet in front. Then took a sharp turn to the right, pulling lots of G force (Gravity Force), and went straight though a glass skyscraper, though to the other side to destroy the other Helta jet on the other side. The weather suddenly got worse
“Oh! Man! I can’t see the other bogies!”
Shouted Sparx, without warning a missile missed Sparx by inches, it cracked the cockpit window but, Sparx shot some flares in-to the air, and the fog cleared, then Sparx saw the last Helta jet in fount of her about to lunch a missile.
Sparx said to here self “no you don’t”
Then fired the guns to react quickly to the missiles; Sparx destroyed the other jet within time
“Whoa, man! That was too close”
Said Sparx Turning the plane around, Back to the central base in the center of star city looking to land,
But then as Sparx looked down she saw the demons of hate, but they didn’t see Sparx, Sparx was shocked and angry.
“What!? How did they get here?”

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 3: past is the future

The Helta beings where attacking the central base, The buildings where noting but flaming rubble on the ground, the sky was filled with thick black smoke, the cries of pain screamed though-out the city, Sparx Felt crumbled as the screams pierced her mind and soul.
“Sparx, your back, The Helta beings made you go out side the city so they could destroy metro city, without you stopping them!”
Yelled base control, Sparx reported back.
“I’m on to it! I’ll protected delta with my life!”
Sparx got all of the Helta pilot’s attention.
“Umm… long time no see, Sparx”
Said Ojo with a grin, Sparx looked around to her right and there Ojo was, with his long blue hair and big red scar on his face. Sparx stepped up a gear, so fast that Sparx’s plane was a blur. Sparx took out three Helta jet on the way; there were still three jets to go.
“Man this is some rough night!”
Said Sparx, but then a mysterious F-18 super hornet came up beside Sparx
“Who is that!?!?... He’s from the east squadron!”
Said Sparx trying to look in the F-18 cock pit window, “…it’s me, kojack!”
Said kojack with his deep serious voice,
“Cut the chatter old man!”
Shouted Ojo firing missiles at Sparx and kojack,
“…will you learn? Because you make me sick”
Said kojack shaking his head in disbelieve. Sparx was already out the area, but kojack was still hovering there, like he wanted to play chicken or something. The missiles where getting close to kojack, kojack narrowed his eyes “what are you doing!!!”
Yelled out Sparx, kojack didn’t listen, then continued the move and did a super fast movement with the controls then the plane did about 10 barrel rolls, he dodged all Ojo missiles. Sparx was coming behind Ojo, kojack was thinking about what to do next, but, then Sparx shot fears behind Ojo, so as an automatic reaction Ojo turned round to look, and then kojack fired a missile at Ojo that blew off his wing. Ojo went spiraling to the ground then he ejected before he hit the ground. Sparx and kojack where hovering above ojo’s crashed jet watching Ojo slowly land to the ground and dashed for cover under a weird shape skyscraper.
“You fool! You can’t run!”
Said kojack with a furious look on his face, Ojo was showing his false sorry face.
“We need some one down here to get… Ojo”
Said kojack with a sigh
“I’m busy I have to go”
Said Sparx flying off looking at kojack behind her,
“Umm… so where once agene… on the edge of war”
Said Kojack

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 4: kojack’s shell shock

“Where sending out Rayzor from the east squadron to get Ojo”
Said central squadron base control, The weather was still raining, very hard and was windy the rain was smashing against the cock pit window of kojack’s jet, making turbulence and making it hard to see, the atmosphere was distressing and nerve-racking. But that didn’t make kojack scared, not one bit, then the thunder and lightning started and the wind was making noses. as it bowled though the jet. then Rayzor came bolting out of nowhere, at high speed breaking the sound barrier, and slammed into Ojo like a dart, that sent Ojo flying though the first floor of a skyscraper and out the other side. Rayzor flew though the hole he made and saw Ojo laying in a crater.
“Rayzor, Get out of my plans!”
Shouted out Ojo, getting up
“No! You Helta beings need to stop!”
Yelled Rayzor, (Mean-while kojack landed his plane and ran to Rayzor to help him out). Ojo laughed at what Rayzor said
“Ha-ha! All you delta beings just don’t get it!”
Yelled Ojo rubbing a bleeding cut across his nose, then he smirked at rayzor and kojack.
“Hmm… when I get you… watch out!”
Said kojack locking on to ojo’s, and pointing at him, It started to rain agene; Ojo crossed his arms.
“I know the truth about you kojack… I know where you got that scar on your face from”
Said Ojo slowly; kojack looked like he saw a ghost he couldn’t move. Ojo pulled a big grin at rayzor.
“What did you do Ojo?”
Screamed ten year old Rayzor
“ha… ha… kojack no-body loved you, you was on the streets, but, then Helta beings took you in, and they didn’t like you so they abandoned you at the age of five… But that is not the worst, they---"
Before Ojo could say any more, kojack blasted him with a double blaster attack, which lit up the whole sky like an orange firework. Ojo went flying, smashing though a row of five skyscrapers, the buildings collapsed like dominos on each other crushing Ojo. Rayzor and kojack flew away before the building could crush them too. When all the skyscrapers hit the ground they damaged all the other buildings around them and flattened kojack’s F-18 Hornet. The dust went every-where, kojack and Rayzor where hovering in the air above the rubble, kojack looked like he was shell shocked.
“Wow… kojack, what’s wrong?”
Said Rayzor worried, suddenly all the rubble lit up
“Look!”
Yelled Rayzor pointing at some-thing.

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 5: the fight

Ojo was blasting his way out from under all the heavy rubble; the rubble went up about 100 foot in to the air. Rayzor and kojack put there force field up to stop the falling rocks hitting them. Ojo was very heated and angry, he had a bright orangey-red aura around him, and kojack woke up out of his shell shock
“…****… he’s mad”
Said kojack rubbing his eyes and taking a good look at Ojo, Rayzor teleported to right behind Ojo putting him in a head lock
“Kojack, Quick!”
shouted Rayzor trying to hold Ojo still, kojack put one hand in the air, his hand started to glow a bright ruby red, then he put his hand in front of him holding it with his other arm, and blasted Ojo in the chest with his cutting nuclear attack. The attack looked like intense red, curved razors, being fired from kojack’s hand. Rayzor was finding it hard to hold Ojo in place after kojack’s attack, then Rayzor let go of Ojo and he flopped to the floor, Rayzor grabbed ojo’s legs and span him around at about high rapidity, after that let him go straight into the air, just clipping the top of a very lofty skyscraper, he came back down smashing into the solid hard concrete making the ground crack. Kojack went up to Ojo lying face down on the ground, then charged eclectic energy ball in his hand, near ojo’s head.
“Go on kill me you fool!”
Said Ojo tying to get up,
“There’s no point trying to get up, your dead, any-way you look at it”
Said kojack still charging his attack, it all went silent, the smoke in the sky stated to clear and settle. Every one could see the two red and white suns rising up, above the sunset.
“I wonder what the sun gods think of all this war”
Said Rayzor looking at the sun set.

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 6: kojack’s past


Rayzor said
“Where is that faint cold laughing coming from in the back-ground?”
The laughing got louder; it echoed
“Kojack... You’re still alive, haha this is a bad moment for you now”
shouted a mysterious voice, up above on a building top, kojack looked around not letting his guard down with Ojo on the floor and keped the energy ball in ojo’s face.
“Who is that?”
Said Rayzor trying to look at who was on the building top, but no-body could see who it was because, one of the suns was behind the figure; it was too bright to look at.
“He or she definitely a delta being because of the distinct spoilers”
Said Rayzor thinking hard,
The sun rose higher as the day went on
“Kojack, you never knew your mum and dad, because I killed them all. You were on the streets agene for 4 years, then some Helta beings raised you up but, then kicked you out on the streets when they realized that you were a delta being. When you were 7 you went on a mission of your own to destroy me. You were 10 when you battled me, but I won and tossed you in the ocean for 22 years. then scum bag bullet saved you and offered me a battle, I said yes, bullet almost killed me, but, as bullet was about to kill me kojack jumped in front of bullets attack and that’s where you got that scar from. ”
Said Acheron laughing his head off, Rayzor was staring in shock at kojack.
“Is that true?”
said Rayzor thinking what to say, Acheron jumped down off the building top, about 25 foot in front of kojack and Rayzor, kojack pick up Ojo by the hair and tossed him in to deep space at high velocity. Then started to walk unhurriedly towards Acheron, looking at the ground with a fuming look on his face, the wind started to pick up speed around kojack as he powered up, the sandy colored dust from the rubble went every where, the place didn’t look like a fulsome city any more, it was a barren region now. Rayzor took a deep breath as kojack stopped walking about 5 foot in front Acheron and looked up at him with a very hard serious and momentous face.
“You think that’s funny?”
Said kojack crossing his arms and his feet pointing ten to two like the arms of a clock face, Rayzor stepped back because he could feel kojack’s power level go though the roof, he had never seen kojack like this. He was over serious, this time the atmosphere was very tense, and Rayzor could feel the energy in the air.
“So! Do you think that is funny?”
Roared kojack pointing at Acheron.

[CommanderEVE]

Chapter 7: The end for Kojack?

“You wanted a fight why didn’t you ask for it?!”
Said Acheron laughing, Rayzor didn’t know what to do
“Get ready then… you puss pot or are you a loser?”
Said kojack with a warrior grin
“Let’s go!”
Shouted Acheron, they both disappeared into thin air.
“Oh, man! What has kojack done, every one knows that Acheron is 2nd strongest on delta, and kojack is 13th!” worried Rayzor, so rayzor flew to the east squadron base, witch is on the other side of planet delta, kojack suddenly reappeared in mid air, and tried to smash Acheron into the ground, but Acheron teleported away, then appeared next to kojack, kojack jumped up and teleported to behind Acheron, and then kicked him in the side of the head, that sent Acheron flying to the left then kojack teleported agene, to punch Acheron upwards in to the sky. Then agene teleported in mid-air to drill Acheron straight deep in to the ground, now fighting under ground in a cave Acheron easily got back up un-harmed he wiped his nose, and teleported to above kojack it was dark, they couldn’t see a-thing so they where relying on there sensors to where each other where. Acheron side kicked kojack in the side of the head, then kojack went flying and got his head stuck in some hard rock he couldn’t pull him self out. Then Acheron came and charged his hands with bright red energy, he was using his nuclear element. Acheron slammed both hands on the ground making deadly shock waves that looked like red energy ripples across the ground, it made a earthquake all the cave started to collapse in it’s self, with kojack in it. Acheron shot straight out of the ground to the surface to escape the earthquake and in to the sky, he watched all the buildings sink into the ground like quick sand.
“Ha! Let’s see you survive that kojack!”
Said Acheron laughing out loud.