I'm back, and I have a bully, PLZ HALP!!!

[Ellen Deeze]

Hi Guys (giggles)

(Ahem)

Sorry I was gone for so long. I really really missed this place!!!! Especially nice members like jeffbert

The reason why I was gone for so long is because my mummy and diddy (ahem) grounded me!!! They grounded me for a whole week and it was so unfair!!
Why?? Because I pulled on this girl's hair that's in my classroom and her name is Tamara and she's ALWAYS so mean to me and she said something to me that was super mean!! and I got mad so I pulled her hair... She called me a retard!!! People ALWAYS tease me just because I have a lazy eye. Just because I can't fockus directly at you does'nt mean I'm stupid and it makes me so mad when I get called that!!!

Anyways, so like the school called and told my mummy and diddy and they says to me "Ellen, violence is not the answer ever!!!!! so now you have to be severly punished!" and I cried and told them about the mean bully girl but they did'nt care My parents are mean to me too but at least they never call me a retard, they always tell me I'm pretty and smart and that people like me... you guys like me here.... right??????????? Please tell me you are my friends here because I really really missed this place, my parents grounded me for a WHOLE WEEK it was so unfair.. Does any one else here have a hard time with mean bullies in school too?? Can you give me advice because sometimes I don't even wanna wake up in the morning because I'm so scared to go to school because of bullies like Tamara

[Solarcat20]

i'm sorry to hear that , i've been called a retard too. it's cruel when people say/do mean things to others. i wish i could help.....

[diehard67]

I for one have been bullied all threw school, that would be why I have no friends, never learned how to make em.

I am sure your parents cared about your bully problems but there are still right, violence is not the answer if it can at all be avoided, most of the time bullies bug people to get a reaction, ignore em, they will get board with you and go bug somebody else.

I kinda get the not looking directly at people, my left eye has better vision then the right one so my head is always turned a bit to the right, or I may turn my ear to em so I can hear what there saying, I don't see well.

[fafner]

Violence is not the answer. She didn't pull your hair, did she? So now you're the one appearing to be a bully. Don't do her this pleasure and just ignore her. diehard67 is perfectly right: she wants a reaction from you. Don't give her this reaction, and she will eventually quit. Might take months though, so you'll need patience.

Maybe an idea of what is going on in her head would help you ignoring her. Remember that she feels that she exists when she gets a reaction for her bullying. If you don't react, she will be far more hurt than if you pull her hair.

I've been there too, being punished for retaliating. Today I think it was right to punish me, even though I didn't think that way at the moment.

[Astro Forever]

Oh, I'm so sorry to read you are sometimes starting your days by anticipating things will go wrong.

I'm not sure I came come up with better advices than those of the previous posters. Try to speak with an adult, don't keep it all in. Your parents may have thought you shouldn't have pulled Tamara's hair but that doesn't mean they would be insensitive if you explained them you are unhappy.

One thing I realized worked well for me is, instead of getting mad or sad when somebody said something I didn't like, is to reflect back what the person said. So if one said: "You're stupid", then I could reply (in an assertive but calm tone, like it didn't affect me): "Oh, I'm stupid. Now, what else? Are you sure you have not forgotten anything?" Then you can walk away, or reflect again if something else comes up (I guess we could call that irony, as if you were saying "I hope it made you feel better"). Do not insult the person back though. That worked for me in stopping things from escalating and it allowed me to vent, leaving the other person speachless, but I'm not sure it could work for everybody or in all circumstances. And you have to be comfortable with that to attempt it.

[AprilSeven]

Ellen, I think I'm going to say something you (and everyone else here) might be surprised at but . . . I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR DOING THAT!! :d evil:



Ohhhhkay, now that I got that off my chest . . . let me explain:

I was bullied horribly all through school (it's no surprise I'm not friends with a single person I grew up with!). It started with literally being run over with bicycles when I was only 6 (I was very small) and got so bad in high school my parents tried to get me into a local private school (but there was no room).

Sorry, but I did NOT find that ignoring them worked. Kids can tell when you are hurt, and when you are trying to not show your fear or insecurity.

But Fafner and Diehard ARE right, violence is not the way to go. Astro Forever, however, had a AWESOME solution - but, as she pointed out . . . you need to be comfortable and able to think on your feet to come back with the kind of responses she described (but I bet you could pull that off, I just have a feeling! If you're plucky enough to yank her hair, you just need to redirect your energy in a different way)

And here's another thought: "bullying" wasn't an issue that teachers and society addressed when I was your age - but today it IS! Plus there are loads of resources on the Internet. In fact the website I maintain in my job has a whole page dedicated to bullying/cyberbullying. I work at a cooperative extension office, so these links are all very credible.

http://blogs.cce.cornell.edu/letstalk/?page_id=100

Here is one link from the list on that page you might want to check out

http://bullying.org/

I also suggest you talk to your school nurse or counselor about how you've been teased about your eye. That's utterly ridiculous that kind of teasing should be allowed (in fact, you might have a legal claim if the school doesn't put a stop to it). Your parents might have reacted thinking you just have to endure that abuse, but you don't -- I strongly suggest you visit those anti-bullying sites and share them with your parents. I've got a feeling they might not be aware of what they can do to help protect you (but they got strict with you about not becoming physically violent - and that was the right thing for them to do).

As for being physically imperfect - I have two words for you: Stephen Hawking - yet he's a professor, author, world-famous intellect (and fathered a handsome, talented son who is a highly regarded violinist). My BFF has a lazy eye - she passed it onto her son, and one of my eyes casts in very slightly - heck -my third grade teacher had a profoundly lazy eye (and yes, we never knew quite where to look, or what she could/couldn't see! hmy -- I'd be inclined to tell these loser classmates to GET OVER IT, unless maybe they'd like to be slapped with a lawsuit!!!

whew!! Sorry for the rant, but you seem like a nice young person, and KNOW much being bullied sucks. But I think you've got a lot of good stuff to consider from this thread, and you know what? I think it was worth the price of getting grounded! Now go forth, Ellen Deeze, and conquer the bullies with your brain!!!

[Ellen Deeze]

i'm sorry to hear that , i've been called a retard too. it's cruel when people say/do mean things to others. i wish i could help.....

Hi Solarcat20,

(ahem)

Thanks for relying. Sorry that you have mean people call you mean names too . We can be friends though, right solarcat20?? (giggles)

I for one have been bullied all threw school, that would be why I have no friends, never learned how to make em.

I am sure your parents cared about your bully problems but there are still right, violence is not the answer if it can at all be avoided, most of the time bullies bug people to get a reaction, ignore em, they will get board with you and go bug somebody else.

I kinda get the not looking directly at people, my left eye has better vision then the right one so my head is always turned a bit to the right, or I may turn my ear to em so I can hear what there saying, I don't see well.

Hi Diehard69,

(ahem)

Bullied all through school????? I'm DOOMED!! Sorry you went through that, its awful that we get made funed of because of something like a bad eye and so really unfair too. I think my parents care but I don't think they understand. They tell me to ignore Tamara too, but she's so mean to me, she sometimes throws papers and all the other kids laugh and I just want to melt into the floor and disappear forever I'm glad people here understand me though, it makes me feel better. We can be friends too Diehard69, I don't know how to make any either... (smiles)

Violence is not the answer. She didn't pull your hair, did she? So now you're the one appearing to be a bully. Don't do her this pleasure and just ignore her. diehard67 is perfectly right: she wants a reaction from you. Don't give her this reaction, and she will eventually quit. Might take months though, so you'll need patience.

Maybe an idea of what is going on in her head would help you ignoring her. Remember that she feels that she exists when she gets a reaction for her bullying. If you don't react, she will be far more hurt than if you pull her hair.

I've been there too, being punished for retaliating. Today I think it was right to punish me, even though I didn't think that way at the moment.

Hi fafner,

(ahem)

No she didnt pull my hair, but it still hurts when she calls me names and tries to poke my eye out with paper-airplanes, because its 'ugly'. I'll keep what you said in mind too, thanks for you help. What did you do to retaliating? :d evil: Did you get grounded for a WHOLE WEEK too??? I like making friends here, can we please be friends too?? (giggles)

Oh, I'm so sorry to read you are sometimes starting your days by anticipating things will go wrong.

I'm not sure I came come up with better advices than those of the previous posters. Try to speak with an adult, don't keep it all in. Your parents may have thought you shouldn't have pulled Tamara's hair but that doesn't mean they would be insensitive if you explained them you are unhappy.

One thing I realized worked well for me is, instead of getting mad or sad when somebody said something I didn't like, is to reflect back what the person said. So if one said: "You're stupid", then I could reply (in an assertive but calm tone, like it didn't affect me): "Oh, I'm stupid. Now, what else? Are you sure you have not forgotten anything?" Then you can walk away, or reflect again if something else comes up (I guess we could call that irony, as if you were saying "I hope it made you feel better"). Do not insult the person back though. That worked for me in stopping things from escalating and it allowed me to vent, leaving the other person speachless, but I'm not sure it could work for everybody or in all circumstances. And you have to be comfortable with that to attempt it.

Hi Astro Forever

(ahems)

I tried to speak with my mummy and diddy but they seem to think I'm really likeable and have friends in school even though I tell them the other kids make fun of me and I always eat my lunch by myself, peanut butter and jam pizza usually. I like the strawberry jam (giggles). I want to try what you said but I'm a bit scared too because I get really nervous easily around people but I promise I will work up the courage. I'm really sick and tired of Tamara being so mean to me so I have to do something
you're always so nice to me here, we can be friends too, right??

Ellen, I think I'm going to say something you (and everyone else here) might be surprised at but . . . I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR DOING THAT!! :d evil:



Ohhhhkay, now that I got that off my chest . . . let me explain:

I was bullied horribly all through school (it's no surprise I'm not friends with a single person I grew up with!). It started with literally being run over with bicycles when I was only 6 (I was very small) and got so bad in high school my parents tried to get me into a local private school (but there was no room).

Sorry, but I did NOT find that ignoring them worked. Kids can tell when you are hurt, and when you are trying to not show your fear or insecurity.

But Fafner and Diehard ARE right, violence is not the way to go. Astro Forever, however, had a AWESOME solution - but, as she pointed out . . . you need to be comfortable and able to think on your feet to come back with the kind of responses she described (but I bet you could pull that off, I just have a feeling! If you're plucky enough to yank her hair, you just need to redirect your energy in a different way)

And here's another thought: "bullying" wasn't an issue that teachers and society addressed when I was your age - but today it IS! Plus there are loads of resources on the Internet. In fact the website I maintain in my job has a whole page dedicated to bullying/cyberbullying. I work at a cooperative extension office, so these links are all very credible.

http://blogs.cce.cornell.edu/letstalk/?page_id=100

Here is one link from the list on that page you might want to check out

http://bullying.org/

I also suggest you talk to your school nurse or counselor about how you've been teased about your eye. That's utterly ridiculous that kind of teasing should be allowed (in fact, you might have a legal claim if the school doesn't put a stop to it). Your parents might have reacted thinking you just have to endure that abuse, but you don't -- I strongly suggest you visit those anti-bullying sites and share them with your parents. I've got a feeling they might not be aware of what they can do to help protect you (but they got strict with you about not becoming physically violent - and that was the right thing for them to do).

As for being physically imperfect - I have two words for you: Stephen Hawking - yet he's a professor, author, world-famous intellect (and fathered a handsome, talented son who is a highly regarded violinist). My BFF has a lazy eye - she passed it onto her son, and one of my eyes casts in very slightly - heck -my third grade teacher had a profoundly lazy eye (and yes, we never knew quite where to look, or what she could/couldn't see! hmy -- I'd be inclined to tell these loser classmates to GET OVER IT, unless maybe they'd like to be slapped with a lawsuit!!!

whew!! Sorry for the rant, but you seem like a nice young person, and KNOW much being bullied sucks. But I think you've got a lot of good stuff to consider from this thread, and you know what? I think it was worth the price of getting grounded! Now go forth, Ellen Deeze, and conquer the bullies with your brain!!!

Hi Aprilseven

(ahem)

I'm glad you agree :d evil: I felt really happy for pulling her hair, she even screamed a bit lol (giggles)

You were bullied too?? hmy: I dont want to go through another 5 years of this I would LOVE to sue her, she's always soooo mean to me and she should be the one being grounded, not me!!!! Thanks for the links because I watched the videos too and I don't have a problem with the cyber bullying because my parents wont let me have a facebook account or a cell phone and no one knows about this place either becaause no one I know likes astro boy either, but it was such a good movie so I dont understand why

Thank you for calling a nice person I know I am too I always try to be nice to everyone, wish everyone was the same to me its not very fair sometimes. I don't always pull peoples hair but I just got so mad that time it was too much for me!!! Thank you for trying to help and I hope we can be friends too because you're really nice here and too me and I want more friends to because I dont have very many can we please be friends too April???

[Astro Forever]

you're always so nice to me here, we can be friends too, right??

Hi Ellen! I'm never very far from here, you can count on that!

[diehard67]

Yes we can be friends.

I just tuned out the jerks, using headphones, if I can't here em, they can't hurt me. Lol

If you can get out of a situation without fighting then do it, don't be the one to through the first punch.

The funny thing about bullies is, they often have worse self esteam then there victimes.

[Anime Girl]

I've been bullied too, either because of my weight, people called me ugly (which I'm not), or people just think I'm plain weird. I still kinda get picked on at times, but it doesn't matter right now. I got bigger problems, but that's not important right now. For one thing you shouldn't do anything physical, like pulling hair, unless she did something to you, but don't even do that because you could still get in trouble for it. If it keeps up too long, tell a teacher, principal, or counsoler. Tell any trusted adult, but tell them in private. Never shout "I'm telling!" Turst me, it's nothing but trouble. She's only bullying you because she is hurt and wants others to feel hurt too. Maybe she had a bad home life, or had been bullied herself and wants to take it out on others. It's not right though. Just be the better person and ignore her. She'll stop when it's no longer fun. Heck, maybe later in life she might even become nicer to you as she and you mature. I used to have a bully girl in elementry school, and now here we are in high school good friends. I mean, who knew?

Although it she did deserve to get her hair pulled, and a few other things. And your parents were a little too strict, grounding you for a week. I think they should have maybe grounded you for a day, but if it happens again, maybe then a week, but they are kinda right, violence should not have been the answer, even though she deserved to get her hair pulled. And before you ask, yes I would like to be your friend.